The thing that happened was this the what were you guys talking about the story was uh the story was uh death so you talk two death stories oh yeah I got one more okay so this man this man uh was about freezing what were we talking about oh here’s what happened so they
Had a football player that played for LSU University this is University and they had a man um and I’m not gonna say a black man but darker than as dark or as dark as you could get on Earth yeah yeah and he was in a mobilized they kept doing
Fundraiser at the football games to raise money for this man right and [ __ ] pay attention you creep I’ve never heard that in my life that was [ __ ] hilarious you can get on Earth as far as I’m not gonna say it’s black but he’s a dark man it’s dark he can get
On Earth he’s just saying that the man had he was darker than than most we don’t know how dark it can get elsewhere that’s right is that true I would imagine too yeah I would imagine that there’s degrees of everything thank you yeah it is deep space huh yeah I mean
I’ve never seen it but it could happen you know but um I’ll say this though but uh so what happened was so they’re raising money all year this was an injured athlete yeah they’re raising money all year they finally get him a dog he got paraplegia
They finally get him a dog and a uh motorized wheelchair right they’re uh oh he needed a system that he could breathe and everything he was not he was not well and he was a former player former player he needed a system the oxygen broken his neck or something
Yeah yeah so they get him that they get him a dog to keep him companion right yeah they hook him up the dog pulls the cord out of the wall and he dies damn it oh damn it they’ve been fundraising all year to get this man this stuff and the dog was not
Trained well enough it’s not a dog on the goddamn hose yeah the dog worked for the insurance company I don’t know what the hell is going on but it doesn’t happen there was all kind of you know just you know are you suggesting that the insurance company was like this is
Going to cost a lot of money that’s that’s that’s that’s throwing the wrong dog you know what I mean would you put it past an insurance company I wouldn’t I wouldn’t appreciate you thinking that you’d be a good detective because you’d come in and go hmm
Now what kind of chew toys has this dog been weaned on yeah huh yeah oh real than wrote you’ve come up with it come on Bobby Lee okay right we got here we got the ugliest version of what might be he’s a virgin no virgin well you could
Be probably I could be I really honestly do you have any like Hobbies you like to do outside like something else were you not thinking about yeah I like doing Jiu Jitsu and I like doing um what else do I like doing playing Wordle playing Scrabble on my phone
Um um how do you feel when you’re doing those things you probably feel no anxiety when you’re doing those things pretty chill yeah yeah that’s what I like talking to my brother um those are all chill [ __ ] dessert damn it desserts a great moment it’s good that’s a real good moment yeah [ __ ]
That brings a lot of good feelings I had a couple last night boy had too many dog or something nope I didn’t get anything like that I saw a badger though out back of uh this Airbnb yeah I saw a badge right back in the Airbnb
Yesterday and I didn’t think it was a badger you know and so I recorded some of it sounds on my phone that it was making and then uh what what the sounds I can’t do them it’s like um it’s like it’s like when a guy steps out
Behind a curtain in a castle Yeah Yeah it’s like a [Applause] oh [ __ ] it was honestly close bro that’s the sound would you rather be blind or [ __ ] dude these days probably ridiculous I think I had a blind kid in my neighborhood when I was growing up
And uh actually you know this dude was deaf actually and and they beat him up for doing bad magic because he was always doing all of this and [ __ ] and people thought he’s doing magic with no tricks and they [ __ ] beat him so
Yo what up cats gang wow I got a king in her Stinger thumb on the mic coming from lower slower Delaware to LSD all right here it is so what the [ __ ] dead animals on the wall okay hanging up each one got a story you know we got my first there’s a wall
And a bunch of other collectors a bunch of other cool animals they’re all there how hard is that to hunt yeah but I think now we’ll I will say this showing that you’ve you’ve been out there and got something good and you just dig that a lot of chicks dig it um
No no and then you go you want some elk sausage you can but you can and then you just write elk on your own dick and come back in the room that’s a [ __ ] move right now you should have brought your brain come on bro three letters wouldn’t fit on your dick
That ain’t your joke it is that ain’t fair you tell a joke I even went like this I was a child at the lunch table we’d get some kids who were minimals or a couple of them might have been mentals and a couple kids that
Were well you know when we get there and sit them to make them drink milk and then tell jokes and do stuff and until one of them just blew milk out of their face you know and if you get some straight up just a couple minerals boy some straight up saw
It off humans you get them dude you get them to straight up blow leche out there down there [Laughter] that’s America right there you know what I’m saying and that’s when I knew I was like oh I got some kind of a gift here you know I almost blew the
Throat out of this one boy almost through the this is almost blew the throat out of this this one boy named tot t-o-t with his name kind of a bad name too to be mentally challenged but also easy for him to spell and I’m not joking that’s what his father said and
Um easy for him to smell backward and forward same name taught so that’s true man it was this guy’s real his name is Todd why are you so much so let me ask you a question guys are you guys single men or what’s let’s go one at a time here let’s
Start with you Zephyr you single these days or what’s what’s uh love looking like in your life have you started thinking about girls or that kind of or what what happens at nine years old I like thinking about food okay yeah me too but like what’s your what’s your drug of choice
Probably cocaine yeah I would say what does it feel like if I had to guess I would say cocaine what’s it like let me think I like cocaine because it makes me feel exactly how I want to immediately like having a beer it’s like hey I gotta talk to Patrick or Ricky you
Know what I’m saying if I have cocaine dude I get to go home [ __ ] hold on to my [ __ ] wiener and be scared and wait what yeah that’s what you do dude if you’re doing much cocaine at your house you hold on to your [ __ ] wiener and
You be scared and then you hope that you’ll live but you don’t know if you will are you [ __ ] serious yeah I mean what it wasn’t like oh it used to be like oh man let me crack out a little bit of this pornography right but now it
Got to the point where it’s like oh dude let me just do this and then do whatever go on about the rest of my day it became a weird thing oh like it’s bad habit so you did it once a day you think no I was
Doing it maybe five times a week ah and making my body like it’s work like it’s work Monday through Friday now it’s hard to take off some of them take no Thursday and do a Sunday I didn’t have a plan right so it’s like working at a restaurant yeah it’s like a restaurant
Yeah take shifts yeah picking up a lot of shifts and all of a sudden Sometimes some days not not showing up from work yeah yeah I get it I get it yeah yeah because I I too have I think a problem oh yeah I’ve heard about that man what
Do you mean everybody knows it for one I mean look what happened to your girl’s eye jealous because they were massaging me man what happened was uh the lady was massaging me this [ __ ] big lozenge of a woman was really coming down on my back right and then
Listen to what happened bro I never had this happen before the man she was pushing on my back the man got behind her and was pushing on her like you’re [ __ ] like a car stalled yeah yeah I need some more legs like kind of like get her like a refrigerator through like
Hey stressed bro it was insane man and I couldn’t leave it at that point yeah you got it you got it just some dude showed up and just goes let me know it was her husband or somebody uh you know somebody she knew right that’s that’s how did you
Feel after the massage I felt pretty good man I felt you know like part of a group I guess honestly I felt pretty good now Theo you know what I think you know what you know what I think it might be you’re gay it’s okay to be gay though you can just
Closet it dude yeah she’s from another town yeah look yo that’s your handwriting if I was gay I would know you idiots the Mind ain’t gay dude sometimes you ever think maybe I’m gay maybe I I’m insane sometimes do you ever stop and think what if I am gay
If you don’t do that then that’s gay yeah because you gotta give it some thought to know you’re not that yeah so if you’re like no way secretly gay yeah if you’re sitting in your truck you just blast the heater that’s the case you’re well in the
Closet under the clothes yeah bro that’s how they that’s this is how you know guys I’m sure a lot of men have wondered if they’re gay or not or had a moment where it’s like am I gay I’m stuck in an elevator in my day yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah if you breastfeed
By small breasts though yeah and that the trauma from that you never Shake is it more polite to sip or chug out of a boob sipper chug what’s more polite if you’re by yourself dude if it’s Sunday night or whatever I chug right out that bastard you know I’ll open the
Governor on that bastard and just fill uh I’ll fill my pockets with it do you think it’s all milk in the boob or do you think it’s more like a just a bag of chips it’s mostly air oh my mama’s salt and vinegar more of an
Anxiety sauce I think what do you think is the right age to wean off breast milk what do I really think or what is it what are they legally doing what a steel bomb thing I think you know we had a kid in our town who’d get under that Mom’s
Shirt get under there until he was eight and it was his mom it was it was his mom look like his mom same profile side profile at least front profile a little different so what’s the right age I think until he starts ordering it a certain
Way then that’s when you shut him down you know dude I talked to your buddy Eddie Bravo and that guy is a real he’s out there he’s like a jet he’s like a death like a deaf Jack Russell almost you know a deaf Jack Russell because
Once he gets going you can’t oh Jack Russell Terrier yeah you ever been around one of those dogs you open the car and then next thing you know they’re at the yeah they’re like sick yeah well how’s he deaf because you can’t get him back like once he goes you can’t you
Know I’m saying you can’t get him back in the car like you’re sitting there honking the horn you can’t that guy’s out there you know my home you know what I’m talking about I do he’s extravagant I don’t know we had a guy one time on here who beat
What’s that does he has like a disease or something where you can’t talk uh uh he had a stutter and he he was in do you think there was more porn stars or murders in the world I think murderers you know I actually know a guy probably shouldn’t say this on
Here but I’m not gonna say names but I know a guy who killed someone and he said and this isn’t me saying this dude I wouldn’t do something like this but he said that it [ __ ] feels good and he did say that he murdered him huh do you know how
Do you know how I don’t know anything else man let me see that I’m a beast I don’t even come anymore if I’m having sex you know I’m not coming I’m out of here yeah yeah yeah you’ve stopped before Oh I stop all the time if I’m
Yeah if for any more for me if I’m involved in the sex bro I’m not coming I’m out of there I think it’s old-fashioned I’m gonna come around here and leave some of my DNA here yeah I’ve watched enough Forensic Files to know that you come in
Your own car on the way home right it’s old school coming it’s old school it’s what you’re saying yeah or I’ll come yeah you just see me back in the day coming up this bus and other side of a Conestoga wagon yeah yeah yeah yeah
Who’s that guy yeah so you you get to the point of coming yeah you make that I’ll loiter around the point you know yeah yeah be out there doing jumping jacks I don’t give a damn yeah but I’m not busting that’s for me yeah you got to really be somebody special if I’m
Gonna come at your house [Laughter] yeah you’re not getting this freaking free spunk yeah um actually what do you name your children I’m gonna name them uh goober I’m gonna name them Goofy and goober oh wow are they gonna be twins or female or male they’re gonna be attack helicopters oh wow beautiful
I could see that actually seems very on brand with where we’re headed as a society yes where did you take that guy down meth people you got to tie them up that’s the number one thing meth bring rope don’t don’t fight a meth person you’re gonna lose they’ll do dirt people
There’s there’s things where people mess people will take the zipper out of their own coat and beat you with it yeah a woman on meth I think is gonna be a real and some of them are kind of hot bro I’ll watch it in L.A bro early the first
Dude I saw that woman on meth the other day at Starbucks dude and it broke she was she was working and she was happy was beautiful outside of the Starbucks and at first I was there meeting my friend and she kind of looked over and I
Was like oh this lady likes me and uh so I’m like on the moon you know I’m out there on the moon I’m putting American flag I’m writing a Theo on it you know what I’m saying I’m feeling hopeful for myself and then I start realizing something’s not right with her and I
Mean stunning like coffee though huh are we sure it’s math it’s not a lot of maybe espresso shots so then what happened coffee and she’s sitting there just trying to tire just like just braiding her own legs entire sandals trying to tire sandals then I start
Realizing she’s losing and I was like oh my God because then it’s like what happens to this girl somebody’s gonna take advantage of her or somebody’s gonna lie did you take her out no dude we left yeah because I think if I even approached girl somebody’s gonna think
Oh this guy’s trying to be a pervert Yeah or get some meth yeah yeah the math dealer yeah so anyway I think meth is uh there’s some hotties out there now you’re beautiful man you’re a good guy appreciate it man you seem like a really good guy and I’m happy that you
Found a lady that yeah that’s when we’re seeing you guys laugh and just like being like Goofy and just seem like I was like man these two kids are hopefully I don’t have a child you know because this child is going to be mentally handicapped laughs but I also remember because where I’m
From if you see two metals hug and you call the cops on them and that was a rule when I was young and that’s true dude that’s true if you see two middles hugging you call the cops immediately because once two minnows don’t make a non-metal you know rarely do they
And it’s a risk and it’s a it’s high risk low reward that’s what they call that now do you carry a piece I don’t have any guns on me right now I have a Glock over at the house though yeah I actually shot a deal with a Glock
When I was young you did die yeah see there was like a it was I don’t want to say it was unnecessary but it was it never should have come to that yeah but I’m glad I had it and May the best man win you know that kind of thing
Very span is kind of like a real Spanish Showdown kind of is it really oh yeah why because it looked at you and it was it was aggression and I was scared and I was young and I had a Glock so you squeezed out if you’ve ever seen the first 48 bro
The guy with the Glock wins bruh yeah so yeah I don’t know that much about Greeks man um is that we got a healthy history man oh well I know I’ve seen a lot of the artwork and stuff like that yeah now that’s beautiful little penises though a
Lot of statues low people oh they didn’t really they saved cement huh yeah yeah you got around there damn I don’t know why they did that but all the penises are really small in the old statues well do Greek girls have big butts I think a
Lot of the penis size of the males of a culture has to do with the size if you have to reach the vagina of the woman you know you’re coming up with some theories that I haven’t thought about you so you’re saying you were saying without saying
Correct me if I’m wrong yeah you’re saying without saying black dudes got big dicks because black girls got big asses and to be able to reach the vagina they have to so it kind of evolved that way I think so I mean like when people are like we’ve been you know
20 years deep we’re still so in love and we have sex every day I’m like oh shut up that is disgusting dude I’ll tell you this whoever you are wife if you freaking try to have sex with me every day I’m calling the [ __ ] police I will call the damn police on you
Just seems so unreasonable yeah stay in your room too uh Denise or whatever your name is I don’t even know yet but that’s how you gotta up that’s what we have we had this dude named Brian uh Brian Purvis the first wig I ever you know and
They don’t have him anymore they have a couple left I think outside of maybe Cincinnati yeah but he was like the first white kid that ever wanted to be black and they’d never seen it before and they put him in a mentally handicapped classes because they thought
He was mentally handed me uh middle of challenge is that what they used to do with wiggers uh yeah yeah yeah well they didn’t know they’d never seen it before yeah they put him in there wow so they had people that were really you know people that were just you know didn’t
Know what was going on yeah deaf people blind people that were you know free based victims all kind of stuff like that yeah and then you just had Brian’s uh Purvis is dribbling in invisible basketball just wearing a [ __ ] Charlotte Hornets pullover starter pullover Apex and just [ __ ] you know
Blowing menthols and [ __ ] yelling at people yeah yeah like oh man we don’t know what he has is Brian still an institution or is he out no he’s not somebody sent me a picture of him the other day I think he’s in prison somewhere he’s in jail or in or out of
Jail but yeah I wish him well he’s a nice kid he still looks the same at nice eyes I remember that he had pretty eyes for a young fellow that had a rare disease you know yeah yeah but he was one of the wildest locally you know yeah
Because people didn’t know what was going on they’re like oh we don’t know you know yeah science doesn’t know yeah and he was just you know nothing was wrong he was just you know he bought Shaquille O’Neal’s rap album and he just watched Space Jam all the time yeah and
He listened to Boys to Men He was just wig that up I had a comedy room near me this gentleman had half a limb and he was uh he was missing part of his leg I think or he said he was so he could have been faking it CGI or
Something I don’t know what his name was I mean it was a CJ no it’s a white dude okay would you rather have a dog’s personality and a cat body or a cat’s personality in a dog body I’m not sure exactly but I don’t want to be a cat at all
So whatever one of these is not being a cat you know uh but see that’s the thing you would have the dog body but the brain of a cat so you kind of are a cat but then the other way you’d have the body of a cat
Everyone would think you’re a cat so would you rather know you’re a cat or have other people think you’re a cat I’d rather probably do euthanasia you know yeah no offense to cats or anything but also [ __ ] cats so whoa this [ __ ] just sent me the craziest picture
Of my that’s y’all’s family I think so he just said he sent this to me with no [ __ ] contacts yeah that’s whoa what the [ __ ] anyway um oh my God is he a grandfather no I think that’s my [ __ ] dad right there that really likes game [ __ ] light skin looking [ __ ] right
There at the top they all lashed out with that with the afro let me see that [ __ ] dang dude that guy looks like a a wolf on the bottom right he does wow dude that’s crazy let me tell I’m gonna text him right now and be like
What the [ __ ] pictures yeah who is this picture it looks like the Jackson sevens so being a comedian you you have to it’s a hard lifestyle is that true comedian being a comedian is a hard lifestyle is that fair to say yeah you’re on the road
A lot you know I mean you’re not like a trucker stay in a lot of hotels I’ve seen a lot of motels first what’s the difference between a hotel and a motel what’s m stand for um what do you think it stands for murder oh damn you talking about ramadas
Unfortunately almost knocked this young lady up that was from South Dakota and she lived on a reservation yeah and she like threatened to have the baby oh damn how old were you 37. this year it was this year and she wouldn’t even be cool she wouldn’t she threatened to
Have the baby dude and I just met her at a motel yeah and she threatened to have a baby man and so that’s we’re on Snapchat yeah and then I met her in person on a motel only hours later wow and uh down like that huh yeah oh geez and it was
Definitely because I don’t recommend that kind of stuff I don’t recommend making love to people off of Snapchat yeah oh I hurt my neck and I hurt my hand and I um how’d you hurt your hand I hurt my ribs I heard almost everything you can hurt in succession okay foreign
I heard something in here back here one night before a show oh okay and some [ __ ] lawyer dude was here some old Hebrew felony wouldn’t shut up and I got so angry I [ __ ] hurt myself to be honest if I’m dead honestly it’s not worth the 10 I think we can all
Agree on that is that what you said so I haven’t heard the word Hebrew um he said it he said it 40 times oh he said he gave me his business card I’m not doing business with that [ __ ] but wasn’t your first sign that he was
Jewish that he was a lawyer he kept telling me how Jewish he was and saying all kind of stuff that was pretty Jewish to me it seemed like like I’m a lawyer like what I’m a lawyer I own the building I’m Jewish landlord jargon you know yeah typical LJ you know
What is it LJ landlord now let’s talk about some of you guys’s plans for the future I know you guys right now are you’re nine years old you said zephy and Max I can start you’re six years old yeah yeah yeah yeah so okay I can start yeah I just want to
Know some of your plans for the future I want and be honest with me please uh I want to be a foot doctor oh really podiatrist they call it foot man they call it on the street wait a minute what if the patient has foot fungus will
You eat it look question will you eat the fun fungus or will you throw it away do you know foot fungus tastes like goat milk really I drink but do you think uh a lot of people’s dick grows as they all right when do you think a guy’s dick
Stops growing I bet probably in their 60s or 70s or 80s that’s false you think can you look that up please do you mind sir but however I did see a change when I dated a guy in high school his dick was much like making people do stuff
Like a personal assistant or something or like you mean like a um like uh you’re making people laugh yeah I do like making people laugh dude one guy laugh so hard one night he just came out of the closet at one of my shows some guy was just like I’m gay just
Yelled it out um we had Chris nickichon and he’s the Down Syndrome guy who won the uh who finished the Iron Man and so that was like unbelievable talking to him did he Flex On You uh no he talked he like he like likes [ __ ] he
You know he talked a lot about trying to get with some hot blonde you know yeah which I get you know I totally understood that part of it it works for me it’s a man now you got a man man now I’m a man I think I’m a man enough now
To be able to open up to a man wow back then it was just like I had to be a woman because I felt too vulnerable now I could cry in front of a man dude I could [ __ ] cry in front of a man I
Mean I don’t cry a lot I haven’t cried a lot but I can [ __ ] yeah I can [ __ ] do it [ __ ] it if it came to it like it you know we got in like a serious [ __ ] convo I wouldn’t hide it oh I’ll cry against anybody yeah [ __ ] cry I’ll
Put on [ __ ] shoulder pads in a helmet and cry cry the [ __ ] out of a [ __ ] a [ __ ] two tuddies dog I’ll get two touchdowns in [ __ ] crying you’re comfortable with who you are then that means yeah oh dude yeah I’ll cry for 400 yards dog yeah and six times so
Theo the last question we always ask is what’s the thing Is this mere this is a good mirror yeah it is a good mirror did this chain be out the whole time oh no it’s good all right what’s the one thing we’re not talking about that we really should be um I think they oh dude I remember one time I saw these massive Birds right they call them in Europe yeah it’s beautiful strong uh I swear bro I went to this I went to this place called Newcastle have you heard of this yes yeah Newcastle and
This taxi drops me off and there was these it was like a part like a I don’t know if it was look like a bachelorette party or something and and this foyer of like a big there was a big room like a big window and they were in
There naked you know what do you call it tits yes yes tits and they were beating each other with pillows in there bro and I sat out there and watched smoked a cigarette out there right out there and that’s the one thing no one’s talking about huh
There was seven of these women in there I can see why you brought it up it was serious man oh Foreign
