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๐ƒ๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐‚๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž โ€“ The Bird Revelation Full Special โ€“ Everything Is Funny Until It Happens To You

by SiteAdmin
March 15, 2024
in Sometimes You Just Gotta Laugh
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Well itโ€™s the last show here we are Los Angeles the world capital of rape and Dick Brown the [ __ ] has been going on out here heโ€™s gonna work well just what you think canโ€™t get worse they got Charlie Rose today itโ€™s gonna be quiet morning on the news tomorrow Charlie Rose looking kangaroo

Every body is raping like hotcakes I for one was starting to get worried you know Iโ€™ve been in Show Business 30 years I had no idea how much danger I was in thatโ€™s really some scary [ __ ] I gotta tell you Harvey Weinstein is probably the first person that I ever

Looked at a photograph of him was like yeah he rapes Iโ€™m not sure this [ __ ] has a choice not a handsome man a lot of meat and extra skin on his face yeah heโ€™s ugly you know the sad part is heโ€™s done so well in life he probably doesnโ€™t know heโ€™s ugly

You know when youโ€™re good looking everybody will tell you oh you look wonderful heโ€™s so great looking when youโ€™re ugly you gotta figure that [ __ ] out for yourself itโ€™s a lot of putting Clues together through his why am I not getting in the club I got all the right [ __ ]

Because it was Brad Pitt doing that [ __ ] he wouldnโ€™t hurt the people the girl just come back down like I got the part [Applause] yeah and yet it is important that I acknowledge ladies you are absolutely right there you go they got all be mindful of that guys because uh

Itโ€™s going to happen to any of us it happened to me I can see that I see myself showing up I am here for my 3am with Mr Weinstein hey Harvey I got your text Iโ€™m here to talk about the script seems like itโ€™s gonna be hard to read

And Candlelight but I guess I could try like a [ __ ] nightmare could you imagine that [ __ ] did you manage using a business meeting and a [ __ ] pulled their dick out in the middle of the meet Iโ€™ll be like yo yo my man is the most unprofessional

[ __ ] Iโ€™ve ever seen in all my days just let me finish Dave Chappelle Iโ€™ll put you in all three Lord of the Rings [Applause] hurry up [ __ ] I have other meetings now I have a 4 30 a.m in Brett ratnerโ€™s house I believe itโ€™s wardrobe fitting accidentally wow

I mean it is really bad out here isnโ€™t it Kevin Spaceyโ€™s out here grabbing Men by the [ __ ] possible you got the guy from Star Trek the Next Generation thatโ€™s the uh thatโ€™s what we got last time we sound like he was more than that but thatโ€™s thatโ€™s whoโ€™s Set It Off

Heโ€™s 14 years old and Kevin Spacey costume at a party which I gotta say by the way for the record been to a lot of parties in my day never been to a good one that had 14 year old boys in it not even when I was 13. you know what I mean

Who was the kicker with a bunch of Hubba Bubba chewing [ __ ] like having a good time Yeah ironically kid grew up to be gay anyway which means getting space he can sniff that [ __ ] out like a truffle pig yeah heโ€™s one of me and not the victim blame but it seems like the kind of situation that the gay 14 year old would get himself into

Say that right but itโ€™s true [ __ ] like you know I say that though because I went to an Arts High School and like all them [ __ ] was gay man like in high school oh them dudes was gay and them gay dudes is way more mature than the

Rest of us and we didnโ€™t know why we just knew they was mature you ever see gay dude at lunch perfect posture I think even responsible Iโ€™m gonna take that thermos down heโ€™d be like what the [ __ ] is that itโ€™s a snake of drinking wine with lunch we didnโ€™t know what it was

Because we were young boys we just trying to figure out who we were and we didnโ€™t realize these gay dudes was fighting to be who they knew they already were some impressive [ __ ] they were Fearless to gay kids [ __ ] Fearless Iโ€™ve never seen a scared gay dude in my life what

Kind of man has no fear youโ€™ll be tied up in a hostage situation with a gay dude the [ __ ] will still be like Iโ€™m thirsty Iโ€™m thirsty David I need something to drink well then shoot me I would rather die of a bullet than dehydration [ __ ] I am thirsty I need some water

Itโ€™s all jokes aside Kevin Spacey shouldnโ€™t done that [ __ ] today again heโ€™s 14 years old and was forced to carry a grown manโ€™s Secret for 30 years Jesus Christ he must have been busting at the scenes with him the saddest part is if you were able to

Carry that secret for six more months I would get to know how House of Cards ends [Applause] yeah ladies and gentlemen these are dark Dark Times New York Times said uh the Louis CK [ __ ] on his own stomach now Iโ€™ve busted a lot of nuts in my day none of them were newsworthy

She was really gross because they didnโ€™t just say like I said it didnโ€™t just say Chisholm something they said it in that [ __ ] Pulitzer prize-winning style that the New York Times has was very descriptive like you know what I mean Louis C days Siemens shout out like a volcano misogyny

Slowly drizzling down like lava covering his freckled penis as it slowly dripped to a fiery crown of red hair Jesus Christ Iโ€™m trying to eat some labels rancheros you know the tough part being a comedian knowing the [ __ ] everybody comes up to me like did you know did you

Know what Louis was doing no [ __ ] I did not know [ __ ] you think we talk about at the comedy club hey [ __ ] how was the weekend great man Iโ€™m just jerking off in faces and coming on my own stomach having a good time you know how this business is no I didnโ€™t know

They act like we sit around like Greece tell me more tell me more they think put up a fight sorry I donโ€™t know the choreography but you get the point you get the point she was intense but Louis is like the turning point I mean you know I all these allegations

Are terrible Louise was the only I shouldnโ€™t say this but [ __ ] it heโ€™s his allegation was the only one that made me like laugh s with all his friends reading it and heโ€™s jerking off and heโ€™s surprising people he surprised me thatโ€™s pretty all the comics and comedy just reading like what

Itโ€™s terrible I know this is terrible Iโ€™m sorry ladies youโ€™re right you are right but at the same time I mean you know what I mean I donโ€™t know Jesus Christ they took everything from Louis it was like and it might be disproportionate I canโ€™t tell

I canโ€™t tell this is like where itโ€™s hard to be a man one lady said Louis CK masturbating in front of me ruined my comedy dreams word well then I dare say madam you may have never had a dream come on man thatโ€™s a brittle spirit that is a brittle-ass spirit [ __ ] that

[ __ ] is too much itโ€™s grown-ass woman you know what this [ __ ] is like itโ€™s like cointel Pro you know what that is itโ€™s a program that the FBI had on the jail Hoover in this program one of the many things they did was they would track the sexual habits of anyone they

Considered an Enemy of the State it was a lit button thatโ€™s why they got all these [ __ ] sex tapes with Martin Luther King [ __ ] [ __ ] but lucky for us he actually had a drink [Applause] do you think if Louis CK jerk off in front of the doctor can you be like I

Canโ€™t continue this movement Iโ€™m sorry but the freedom of black people must be stopped I didnโ€™t know this [ __ ] was gonna pull this dick out and jerk off like this I just thought we were gonna get a couple of drinks and chill business is just harder than that the

Women sound like I hate to say yโ€™all itโ€™s sound weak I know it sounds [ __ ] up Iโ€™m not supposed to say that but one of these ladies was like let me see Kate was masturbating while I was on the phone with him [ __ ] you donโ€™t know how to hang up a phone

How the [ __ ] are you going to survive in Show Business if this is an actual obstacle to your dreams I know Louie is wrong maโ€™am Iโ€™m just saying Iโ€™m held to a higher standard of accountability than these women are donโ€™t forget who I am donโ€™t forget what I am I

Iโ€™m a black dude and donโ€™t ever forget how I got here my ancestors were kidnapped I donโ€™t even know where the [ __ ] Iโ€™m from they were put on the bottom boats they sell them across the Atlantic many of them died Only the strongest survived and once they got here they beat the

Humanity out of my people they turned us into Beast of burdens they made us do their work and the irony is hundreds of years later they called us lazy weโ€™ve fought in Civil War we damn near freed ourselves then in reconstruction black people did great my great grandfather was a very wealthy man

But then the Black Codes came Jim Crow came it was a hundred years of unspeakable oppression again lynchings all kinds of terroristic acts to keep us in the margins of society yeah we still fought and Dr Kings Born and then things got better 20 years after Dr King was assassinated

Michael Jackson was Moon walking on television something something Barack Obama [Laughter] Donald Trump and here we all are 400 year nightmare took us 400 years to figure out as a people that white peopleโ€™s weakness the whole time was kneeling during the national anthem thatโ€™s a brittle spirit

Thatโ€™s right [ __ ] on the Rock itโ€™s regular ah Iโ€™m doing [ __ ] the vice president of the United States got involved Mike Pence got involved he went to the game himself these [ __ ] will have to stand when they send me foreign football players looked up in the stands

And saw Mike princesses come on yโ€™all Foiled brittle spirit I kill every white person in America at one time you know how to do it I would just wait for the Super Bowl right when they sing the national anthem Iโ€™d have O.J Simpson walk to the 50-yard line with them bad knees I know what heโ€™s gonna do stop him

Oh you got a man the [ __ ] up yo I donโ€™t mean to be disrespectful because man I know youโ€™re upset what I said but you know I know you I know youโ€™re right but come on baby itโ€™s me I was right once remember that anybody remember when I was like missing

From show business for 12 years remember when I had like this really popular show when I quit I remember I walked away from 50 million dollars a lot harder than walking away from Louieโ€™s Freckle dick [Applause] I didnโ€™t know that Iโ€™d ever work again here I am tonight did my dream die no

I remember that [ __ ] you donโ€™t remember that when I put my shirt when I went on the way out the door I said somethingโ€™s wrong in Hollywood I believe they said I smoked crack thatโ€™s what I remember they called me crazy so really you know youโ€™re right ladies congratulations enjoy it and

Theyโ€™re coming for you [ __ ] they come if we one person thatโ€™s uncomfortable you know whoโ€™s the most uncomfortable [ __ ] in the room the [ __ ] thatโ€™s right I was right at an orgy once nobody [ __ ] me Letโ€™s just walk around like Tom Cruise and then Lewis looking [Laughter] and ruin the whole orgy by accident itโ€™s easier to ruin an orgy than you think all you got to do is wait for it to get kind of quiet and then go ew and I feel bad but I just feel like

This is all happening for a reason and ladies I want you to win this fight ten years ago I might have been scared but you know I got a daughter now so if you win she wins so Iโ€™m rooting for you and I agree with you at least ideologically I do

I donโ€™t know if the I donโ€™t know if youโ€™re doing it just right but I mean who am I to say I donโ€™t think youโ€™re wrong I just think that you canโ€™t make a lasting peace this way you got all the bad guys scared and thatโ€™s good but the minute theyโ€™re not scared

Anymore it will get worse than it was before fear does not make lasting peace thatโ€™s black people and thatโ€™s what it is what this city really needs uh without irony Iโ€™ll say this the kill for La is in South Africa you [ __ ] need Truth and Reconciliation with one another

Because the end of Apartheid should have been a [ __ ] bloodbath by any metric in human history and it wasnโ€™t and the only reason it wasnโ€™t is because Desmond Tutu and Mandela and all these guys figured out that if a system is corrupt then the people who adhere to the system

And are incentivized by that system are not criminals they are victims and that the system itself must be tried but because the house systems work is so compartmentalized as far as information the only way we can figure out what the system is is if everybody says what they did

Tell them how you participated because men want to help theyโ€™re just scared because Ben Affleck tried to help hey what happened to these ladies is disgusting oh [ __ ] you grabbed a Teddy in 95. all right fellas Iโ€™m out [ __ ] that I ainโ€™t helping I just want to help

I want to be a good guy like I canโ€™t even say the word me too anymore [ __ ] tonight was like Dave Iโ€™m going to the comedy club I was like I am also going to the concert and I didnโ€™t even know what was happening but I guess I became like a

Feminist in the last three weeks because I canโ€™t watch porn the same like I watch it sometimes but I canโ€™t I canโ€™t click on these [ __ ] thumbnails not with those titles guy crams young girl in the ass with hard right other than I canโ€™t click on that

Come on [ __ ] give me something I can click on dudes get sucked off by a [ __ ] little person I say to myself it takes me hours to find one clip what the hell is this marginally groomed feminists enjoys consensual sex vaguely homosexual guy with penis the same color as men click

You notice a lot of black dudes havenโ€™t been getting me too I donโ€™t drinks myself you know why though obviously black women go through the same thing right the reason is because black women from slavery wonโ€™t tell on us because they know and no matter how bad

We black dudes are like those are very mean scared to see us get punished my wife is Asian she telling me in a goddamn second ainโ€™t no [ __ ] up in the Chappelle house and the wildest [ __ ] about it is I live in Trump country I live amongst the

Ticket torch whites poor white people and Iโ€™m rich it was never Pitchfork time [ __ ] Iโ€™m in a lot of trouble and nobody else my family believes me Iโ€™ve been trying to tell the kids man weโ€™re gonna run these drills theyโ€™re like we donโ€™t want to run in your stupid drills

Too bad son you have to digital torch whites come upside what are you guys supposed to do come on there what are you guys supposed to do squint our eyes and stand next to Mom thatโ€™s right [Applause] and what are you gonna bring me your gun and your groundskeeper uniform thatโ€™s right

Iโ€™ll go outside and see what they want it is wild bro where you from man um leaving heโ€™s from Manhattan you are from Brooklyn arenโ€™t you you look like you can rob somebody with a hammer Brooklyn [ __ ] Robbie was [ __ ] they find around the house Iโ€™m [ __ ] around

Yeah man well you ladies are right be honest with you your lives look terrifying to me they do man I know nothing about being a woman but I know fear yo I used to live in New York when I was 17. and I couldnโ€™t even pay my bills you know what

I didnโ€™t make money I used to do shows for drug dealers that wanted to clean their money up one time I did a real good set and these [ __ ] called me in the back room they gave me 25 000 in cash itโ€™s probably 18 19 years old

Iโ€™m scared I thank them profusely I put that money in my backpack I jumped on subway and started heading towards Brooklyn at one oโ€™clock in the morning never been that terrified of my life is that never my life had something that somebody else would want I thought to myself Jesus Christ if

[ __ ] knew how much money I had in this backpack theyโ€™d kill me for it and then I thought holy [ __ ] what if I had a [ __ ] on me all the time thatโ€™s what women are dealing with let me tell you right now itโ€™s a real talk

With them same drug dealers gave me a [ __ ] and said put this in your backpack and take it to Brooklyn thatโ€™d be like [ __ ] I canโ€™t accept this okay I empathize man you know everybody gets mad because I say these jokes but she understand it this is the best time to say them

More now than ever I know thereโ€™s some comedians in the back [ __ ] you have a responsibility to speak recklessly otherwise my kids may never know what Reckless talk sounds like the joys of being wrong I didnโ€™t come here to be right just came here to [ __ ] around

Itโ€™s hot in here suddenly isnโ€™t it I wonder where that heat came from um I wonder what happened to me where did I go for 12 years if I wasnโ€™t raped you know maybe thereโ€™s something else going on maybe these rapes arenโ€™t even the worst of it wouldnโ€™t that be something

Wouldnโ€™t that be something you can go ahead and go to the bathroom Brooklyn you donโ€™t need to hear this [ __ ] you see that [ __ ] right there heโ€™s on an enormous amount of pressure he is just being big and black with that hair dude [ __ ] [ __ ] suspect for everything itโ€™s that white collar crime Sometimes I wouldnโ€™t talk about where I went but yโ€™all donโ€™t even want to know I was gone for a long time I was in the upside down scary being a white dude now isnโ€™t it a little bit no well youโ€™re not gonna give me two but you know what I mean

Itโ€™s funny for black dudes to see why people go through this because this is how it always is for us all my heroes is either murdered by the government or registered sex offenders sad I know man but weโ€™ve already been through it like Michael Jackson Remember When they said

All that [ __ ] about Michael Jackson they never proved anything to those dying day but they said that he did some very heinous things and one time I watched a documentary about it they were talking about all this [ __ ] Michael Jackson allegedly did and as they were saying all these

Allegations he started showing pictures of his home the Neverland Ranch you ever seen Michael Jacksonโ€™s house on television well the short of it is thereโ€™s a lot of things for kids to do with that place and I saw the whole thing exotic animals and Ferris wheels and merry-go-rounds

And [ __ ] and the more they showed it the more certain I was that I donโ€™t think Michael Jackson did any of those things they said he did house didnโ€™t look sexual it looked like he was flossing on those [ __ ] didnโ€™t look like he was trying to [ __ ]

Kids it looked like heโ€™s just trying to impress him like this niggaโ€™s Jay-Z for kids when he was walking through his house this is my cotton candy machine it makes three tons of cotton candy a day you know all the cotton candy you want this closet is filled with nothing but

Custom-made karate slippers Isnโ€™t that cool yeah I have my monkey bringing some cupcakes hey guys letโ€™s watch a movie what movie do you want to see Home Alone Oh No No donโ€™t touch the DVD player what color car comes here he can act it out act out home alone for my guests

And the kids was like man you are all right mister this is fantastic man we had you all wrong all around what I donโ€™t understand what do you mean huh oh well you know man we thought it was going to be the usually you can have us come over and

Give some wine cooler you know psychiatics keep by trying to suck your dick [ __ ] I was trying to show you a better life bubbles get these kids the [ __ ] out of my house just like everyone else Hollywood is no place for moral absolutism you know what I mean we must never forget

Our Kelly peed on a 15 year old girl and he also wrote I believe I can fly same guy same lifetime if I showed you that video of him peeing on that girl and scored it I Believe I Can Fly heโ€™d be torn I used to think that I could not

Go on you would know how to feel if I can see it itโ€™s okay my career ended many years ago foreign ER no Iโ€™m terrible Iโ€™m terrible Iโ€™m sorry everybody Iโ€™m sorry you wanna know what happened to me this is tempting but I donโ€™t want to talk about it maybe at the end

When I run out of things to talk about oh [ __ ] Iโ€™m almost there Iโ€™m just trying to tell you what happened to me it was not it I just didnโ€™t have a good go of it I donโ€™t know what you guys think happens when you quit a successful show like this Iโ€™ll

Tell you what doesnโ€™t happen they donโ€™t go hey well good luck with your future endeavors yeah thatโ€™s not what happens it was cold out there for real I had to watch it all go down without me I had to watch all those people do my show Key and Peele and name

Them and see well Iโ€™m not gonna say they were doing my show Iโ€™m just saying they were awfully similar I was mad and people would come up to me on the street and be like yo [ __ ] every once in a while most people thought itโ€™s crazy but sometimes people come and go

[ __ ] you did the right thing man you my hero [ __ ] I donโ€™t want to be on here I want to be rich never choose to be a hero because Heroes die in uncomfortable deaths all I wanted to be was Paul Revere I just needed one heroic moment you understand

It was only one night and then 40 Years of him being like hey yโ€™all remember that time everybody was asleep and I was up and the British was coming boy itโ€™s a good thing I was awake [ __ ] everybody be there thatโ€™s why I wanted to start a GoFundMe for Colin Kaepernick

I do man Iโ€™m fascinated with them I want to make sure he never has to play football again he canโ€™t if he wants to I just donโ€™t want them to have to because why the [ __ ] not always rich and people would be like Iโ€™m not giving a GoFundMe to a rich dude but

You should you should because that motherfuckerโ€™s life was going great heโ€™s so light-skinned he didnโ€™t have to save his black and yet he took a knee during that anthem for us thought about us when things were going good when his belly was full when he was he didnโ€™t think

About his livelihood or any of that and they took his livelihood away from him like man that shouldnโ€™t be the way it is every [ __ ] person that takes a stand for somebody else always gets beat down and we watch it over and over and over again we watch it but we should pay

Those [ __ ] for throwing a whistle because they make our lives better and we could change the narrative we could make one [ __ ] have a good outcome for doing the right thing and that would make another [ __ ] be brave enough to do the right thing and if you did that the [ __ ] like

Harvey Weinstein went right for 40 years because Vision was a stupid ass part should take care of each other wouldnโ€™t it be nice to be like remember that time heโ€™s gonna kill Jesus but then he got all that money [Laughter] oh Real Talk man itโ€™s not a racial thing itโ€™s about us

Making our society better itโ€™s about like even these women that are coming forward and they will say theyโ€™re Brave and many of them are and a few of them a few of them sucked the dick and got buyers remorse foreign from this narrative this would have gone

This far some women werenโ€™t willing to do it you canโ€™t ask every woman to help hold the line some women can carry things heavier than others so we should fight for one another we should forgive the ones of us that are weaker and support the ones with us

That are stronger and then we can beat the thing you guys keep going after individuals the system is going to stay intact you have to have men on your side and Iโ€™m telling you right now youโ€™re gonna have a lot of imperfect outlies Iโ€™ll tell you what happened but I canโ€™t

Say it directly thereโ€™s a book to me that encapsulates my entire experience before I left the show and the book is called pimp itโ€™s written by a guy named Iceberg Slim yeah bring it up here this is Matthew was from France itโ€™s white and yet he has an original copy of this book

Written by a black American who was a pimp in the 40s Iceberg Slim his real name was Robert Beck the guy the name Iceberg because he was in a bar in Chicago when there was a shootout in the bar and a bullet went to this niggaโ€™s hat and he still finished his dream

Pimps love [ __ ] like that they said man you ice cold he said I like that and itโ€™s stuck this book is so heavy in the front it has a glossary of damp terms because the ideas are so foreign to the American ears for instance do you know what the phrase mileage on a

Hoe means of course you donโ€™t mind Jonah ho was a very wild concept it means that pimps understand thereโ€™s a finite amount of bad [ __ ] A person can do before theyโ€™ll lose their [ __ ] mind and a good pimp can look at a woman that heโ€™s never seen before and call it

Sheโ€™s good for 500 [ __ ] thatโ€™s her mileage anything over that that [ __ ] is going to spill they do it to you why the [ __ ] you think most of us work from nine to five itโ€™s nine to six my killer [ __ ] Iceberg Slim was the one that broke down

Where the bottom [ __ ] was does anyone know where the bottom [ __ ] is anyway whatโ€™s the bottom [ __ ] sir itโ€™s your uh itโ€™s your prostitute thatโ€™s the best out of all of them that brings in the bus money thatโ€™s right thatโ€™s exactly right are you black thatโ€™s right the bottom [ __ ] are

Pimpโ€™s number one hoe sheโ€™s even a [ __ ] that helps him keep the other [ __ ] in line I will repeat sheโ€™s even a [ __ ] that helps him keep the other [ __ ] in line for pimp was McDonaldโ€™s and the bottom [ __ ] is french fries hahaha the rest of the [ __ ] like fish

Sandwiches and cherry pies and [ __ ] like that Iceberg Slim breaks down some of the coldest capitalist Concepts Iโ€™ve ever heard in my life he describes in detail how these men break women so that they will give them the money that they make with their own bodies thereโ€™s a story in here so cold

It makes me shudder to think about it well Iceberg Slim is trying to control the woman that he finds uncontrollable so he asks older people how he can Reign her in and the older pimp says oh thatโ€™s easy iceberg all you have to do is beat that [ __ ] with a coat hanger

And then run her a bath and give her some pills sheโ€™ll be so grateful that you fixed her that sheโ€™ll forget you were the [ __ ] that beat her in the first place thatโ€™s some cold [ __ ] now the End of This Book Iceberg Slim tells a story

Itโ€™s kind of the crescendo of the book and in the story Iceberg Slimโ€™s bottom [ __ ] is at the end of a mileage if she was good for 500 bucks she was at 498. she was bubbling you could see it she was going crazy she started saying all

Kinds of [ __ ] oh I always wanted to be in Circus circuses [ __ ] I can juggle too you know juggle he had to let it go itโ€™s hard to let it go a bottom [ __ ] go and he wasnโ€™t ready to let it go because his organization couldnโ€™t handle losing

Her but she didnโ€™t know that she didnโ€™t know how important she was so what he did was he called her to Edina he said look [ __ ] you and I got to part ways she said fine [ __ ] I donโ€™t need you anyway because I know somebody at Ringling Brothers sheโ€™s like all right whatever

I got one last trick for you itโ€™s a big money trick you do this for me you get paid I get paid and we go our separate ways she said fine [ __ ] what do you want me to do he said okay thereโ€™s a guy in that hotel

Across the street heโ€™s waiting for you in room number seven once you go over there and I want you to [ __ ] them but before you do I need to put some of this stuff in this drink and then heโ€™s gonna fall asleep but he does thereโ€™s a briefcase in his bed

Bring the briefcase to me thatโ€™s the trick [ __ ] can you handle it she said [ __ ] I can handle it I canโ€™t wait to get rid of you she ran outside jumped on a unicycle pedal across the street laughs an iceberg washer heโ€™s like man sheโ€™s pretty good

Man if I never jerked off in the face maybe she would have been in the circus right now and she runs up to motel steps and she disappears in the room number seven sheโ€™s gone for a real long time real long time so long the fact that Iceberg

Got a little worried but then suddenly she came back hold on [ __ ] whereโ€™s the briefcase she said I didnโ€™t get his daddy heโ€™s putting me didnโ€™t get a briefcase [ __ ] whatโ€™s wrong with you she said I did everything you said but but that man donโ€™t look right something wrong Daddy what do you

Mean somethingโ€™s wrong [ __ ] did you put that stuff in this drink she said I did everything you said Daddy I put all of it in his drink he said wait a minute [ __ ] wait a minute you put all of it in the striker now he had to see for himself

Two of them go across the street to the motel they go in the room number seven and on the bed laying lifelessly is the white man that she was supposed to [ __ ] itโ€™s a nice person you right [ __ ] she donโ€™t look good what the [ __ ]

So we call it a friend of his that was a doctor that was close by and the doctor came in gave the guy a thorough examination and told them both what was obvious slim this [ __ ] is dead oh god daddy oh no oh no we killed him

He said calm down [ __ ] we didnโ€™t do anything he reached on the bed and grabbed the briefcase he popped it open itโ€™s filled with money more money than anyone ever seen took a little bit of the money and gave it to the doctor and the doctor left discreetly

All right [ __ ] let me think I can fix this for you I know somebody I can go but if I call him Iโ€™m gonna hold these [ __ ] a big favor oh god daddy please I donโ€™t want to go to jail neither do I have [ __ ] so you shut up

And pick up the phone she heard a mumble in the phone a little bit he hung up the phone and she was pacing the room and he was just standing there cool and they were waiting and they were waiting and suddenly A van pulled up downstairs two guys get out

With a carpet they walk upstairs they roll that carpet out on the floor they throw the body in the carpet they roll that [ __ ] up like a burrito they picked that [ __ ] up and they throw it in the back of the van and come back up and Iceberg opens a

Briefcase again and gives them a little money he says Iโ€™ll get in touch with you guys later they say youโ€™re not gonna get in touch with us at all weโ€™ll find you he said whatever [ __ ] and they bounced oh god daddy oh God itโ€™s just relaxed [ __ ] listen weโ€™re getting the [ __ ] out

Of here you go downstairs you get the car but you had to leave separately she when she got the car Iceberg grabbed that briefcase waited a few minutes looked out the window and then he went down with her they both got in the car and they drove off she was a blubbering

Mess oh He said I told you [ __ ] we didnโ€™t do didnโ€™t do a [ __ ] and I cleaned him up and now we got us a secret okay I know Iโ€™m not gonna tell [ __ ] itโ€™s you oh no I ainโ€™t gonna tell heโ€™s all right baby go Iโ€™m gonna need

You to stay with me for a while after this [ __ ] cools down she goes okay okay okay thatโ€™s the game thatโ€™s how the whole [ __ ] Works ladies you understand this [ __ ] was at the end of a mileage she was at 498 she ended up tricking for Iceberg for another six

Months she must attend another 200 tricks for him do you understand some cold [ __ ] and the code [ __ ] about it is that the dead guy on the bed wasnโ€™t even dead at all this [ __ ] was just a friend of icebergs acting like heโ€™s asleep the doctor went doctor was [ __ ]

Butcher that happened to have a white coat and the dudes who came in the moving van clothes was dressed like movers because they were movers Iceberg had gotten a new apartment and the bag of money was icebergโ€™s money in the first place the money he got from all those women

Thatโ€™s a cold game thatโ€™s the [ __ ] capitalist Manifesto and thatโ€™s why I went to South Africa so now we got us a little secret [ __ ]

Video Tags: comedy is here,comedy special,bill burr,Comedy,Funny,standup,canada,comedian,joke,jokes,podcast,sketch,vancouver,dave chappelle,604 Records,comedy podcast,sketch comedy,comedy here often,funny music,women in comedy,funny women,political comedy,stand up comedy,vancouver comedy,canadian comedy,musical comedy,canadian comedian,vancouver comedian,yumi nagashima,chad kroeger,stand up,yumi nagashima comedian
Video Duration: 00:41:58
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