How are you dropless is coming out of this bitch’s face we all covered our drinks oh baby [Applause] now look over the table that she came from and i picked game the men at the table were filming me this happens when you’re famous people will come over and
Try to rattle your cage and get you to say something stupid or dumb so that their buddies can film it and they get a video of you embarrassing yourself and clearly i said this is what’s happening and these dumb [ __ ] thought that it was my first rodeo sadly it worked
I ran right over there i said i’m pointing right in the camera i said use a bitch-ass [ __ ] for doing this for me [Applause] and the dude was shocked that i said it he said and when he did like this i seen all his fingernails was painted and i realized like uh oh
[Applause] this fella’s gay now you know how i talk i call everybody a bitch-ass [ __ ] you know what i mean but that’s not a right thing to do if they’re gay you know what i mean and and now i was in trouble and not only thatThe [ __ ] was huge he stood up he was towering over me he must have been six five a big white corn fed texas homosexuals nick was ready to fight and he started barking on me but i stood my ground i wasn’t scared how could i be scared this
Motherfucker’s shirt was tied up in a knot like this [ __ ] this guy let’s go [ __ ] let’s go [Applause] i thought we’re gonna come to blows i was ready i was ready and and then and then right when you think we would fight guess what he did he picked up his phone
And he called the police and this this thing i’m describing is a major issue that i have with that community gay people are minorities until they need to be white again i’m being very brutally honest so we can solve this problem i’m telling you right now a black gay person would have never
Done that to me because a black gay person knows when the police shows up they’re not going to care who called them they don’t show up like which one of you [ __ ] is clifford we’re all clifford [Applause] this happens far too often another time about six years ago there
Was a lesbian woman that tried to sell a story about me to tmz thank goodness tmz could see right through the sham of that story this woman claimed that i beat her up in a nightclub because she was a lesbian that is [ __ ] crazy [ __ ] i didn’t know he was a woman
Thank god tmz didn’t believe that because i did beat the [ __ ] out of him i’m not gonna lie It was her fault i had no choice i came in a club minding my own business and a woman came up to me she goes oh my god dave chappelle and i was just being reciprocally nice hey miss how are you blah blah blah but i ain’t talk nothing
To it and all of a sudden it’s lesbian fellows step between us hey [ __ ] that’s my girl i said yo yo my man back up like that she said i ain’t backing up all [ __ ] [ __ ] that’s my girl i said bro you gonna have to give me three feet like this
She said stop calling me a man [ __ ] i’m a woman i say what [Applause] and then i looked deep in this [ __ ] cheek bones i said oh my god you are a woman this is too much for me to even wrap my mind around but i tell you what i
Unballed my fist immediately and i’d soften my posture so that she would know she’s in no danger i even changed the tone of my voice i said softly sweetly like a pimp might say [ __ ] i’m about to slap the [ __ ] out of you i should have done it
Oh i wish i didn’t say that she dropped that foot back boop she was in a perfect softball stance her shoulders were angled correctly her head movement was good i said oh no this [ __ ] box is for real she threw a wild hook at me and i saw it
Coming from yesterday so i slipped it like this I had no choice i had to go to work i let that jab go you should have seen me go [ __ ] i tenderize them titties like chicken cutlets i whoop the toxic masculinity out of that [ __ ] [Applause] that’s why i don’t go out no more just trying to chill i’m just trying to
Live a peaceful life that’s why i live in ohio you know i live in a little town in ohio must be like 3 700 people small hippie town culturally it might feel like like ann arbor to you you know i mean a bunch of hippies and [ __ ] like that
And nick’s always asking me like dave why are you living that hippie town and i’d be embarrassed to tell them the truth but you know why i live there because yellow springs ohio has the most beautiful women in the world and a lot of people might disagree with
Me but you got to see them for yourself they’re gorgeous but it all depends on what you’re into you know what i mean i like white [ __ ] with dirty feet if i had a strip club in yellow springs i would call that [ __ ] strippies all naked hippies all the time and i’d
Only hire girls with long titties and and long vagina head it looks like they slept on it and i would keep a pile of dirt right next to the stage i come back [ __ ] get your feet in that dirt and get up there and give those people what they came to see
Chalk up [ __ ] [Applause] when the heartache is A couple years ago i was in ohio at a shopping mall an old white lady this is true she was she was following me around the mall which sounds paranoid but i’m sure she was following me mean lady too you ever see a woman with lines on her face that just tell you
Even if she smiled it looked like it would hurt the muscles in her face i knew she was following me because she was at places that had nothing to do with her i’d be looking around like what is this old [ __ ] doing in game stop and
Footlock and all the places i like to go every time i see her she just be looking me on me and eventually i forgot about him so then after i’m shopping i go all the way to the back of the parking lot i’m parked all the way in the back and as
Soon as i open my car door i hear a voice go david chappelle just like that i didn’t even have to look i knew it was her i look back and sure enough there she was that face to be honest with you she probably wasn’t even that old
She’s probably around my age but she was a white woman this this [ __ ] looked terrible going all the way i kept my cool i was nice i said hello miss and she didn’t say anything back all she said was i watch your comedy I said uh-oh and then she says it’s true she goes sounds to me like you hate women i said well you know what miss it’s art and you’re free to interpret this art however you’d like but i can tell you as the maker of this art that i don’t
Believe that i feel that way and she said well i think and i said shut up [ __ ] shut the [ __ ] up before i kill you and put you in the trunk ain’t nobody around here [Applause] i’m just kidding i didn’t say that i felt that way but that’s not what i said
I was more clever than that you know what i said and this is exactly what i said i said miss before you finish that statement let me ask you a question where did you see me did you buy a ticket to a concert i did i doubt that
Or or or maybe you watched one of my specials on netflix or or did i follow you to your car and do my act she said what i said keep it in the comment section [ __ ] real life tata and then i drove off
