Serious uh problem with suicide they have seriously considered it a growing number of our young people are taking multiple psychiatric drugs at once more and more they are telling us they are not okay the question is why what has gone so drastically wrong is it them is
It us is it the iPhones what is it maybe our kids mental health is just yet another victim of the expert class inserting themselves where they don’t belong and making a mess of our families we’ve listened to the experts when they told us how to raise our kids we listen
When they diagnosed them as some having some sort of disorder we listened when they offered solutions that clearly haven’t worked maybe it’s time we tell the experts to take a hike my next guest is no stranger to controversial topics she became well known for her book irreversible damage where she exposed
The transgender phenomena for what it was a social contagion she is is now being backed up by all kinds of research since that book came out she took a pounding for it now she’s been proven right she is now peeling back the curtain on our mental health
Establishment and what she found I think will in some way shock you her latest book is bad therapy why the kids aren’t growing up please welcome journalist and best-selling author Abigail shrier but first let me tell you about our sponsor sometimes the solutions to fix a problem are easy believe it or not
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Is uh uh filled with things that I think if you’re a common sense person they occurred to you but I also feel like people feel trapped uh in a way cuz we’re dealing as parents we’re dealing with things we didn’t deal with as kids
Um and I often say to my wife well I tell you what my grandfather would say right and that’s not what the world tells you to do right and that’s yeah go ahead that that’s exactly why I wrote the book I write the book because you know a lot of
Us have common sense a lot of us have wisdom from our families and you know what it’s good stuff that wisdom but they we don’t have the proof you know people can you know conservatives you often hear conservatives saying things like I’ve been yelling this from the
Rooftops for years well that doesn’t do very much good unfortunately sometimes so what I try to do is I go in I do a full investigation I bring them the psychological research that is actually on the side of what our grandparents used to tell us and now I say here go I
I want to give parents the resources and also the metal to go in and say I knew it I knew this was the right thing and I knew you all were were were trying to put one over on me and now I’m not going to let you well I tell you the the
Refreshing part of the book for me at least is the experts I mean I think we went wrong as a society when we started holding experts up uh as no the experts say do this and we stop listening to ourselves and that’s one of the bigger problems isn’t it absolutely and
Especially when it comes to things that don’t require expertise raising good children good people into good citizens does not require expertise and it doesn’t require knowledge of the brain which most s you know most of these therapists will tell you that it does and I went and I looked
At their you know often phony expert you know research on the brain or very very limited very very crude and I wanted to give parents the the resources so when that teachers and school administrations and therapists try to make them feel stupid or crazy they know that they’re
In the right so what was the biggest shock that you found what what were the things that just you either just thought thank God I found this I know this or that shocks me I I had no idea I think it would have to be the mental health
Surveys we’re giving to kids which are Terri honestly I you know I wouldn’t you normally use the words diabolical but but with giving kids a series of methods have you tried this this for self harm burning cutting choking um have you tried a choking game here are some drugs
Have you tried the following drugs Gams and they use all the you know the nicknames I mean if you wanted to break down children teach them the world is a dark place give them the impression that everyone is around them is engaging in self harm or suicidal ideation or all
Kinds of drugs uh these these surveys would be a great way to do it you know in page 148 how mental surveys hurt students I read this and I was shocked uh during the past 12 months did you ever feel so sad or hopeless almost
Every day for two weeks or more in a row that you stops doing some unusual activities during the past 12 months had you ever seriously considering consider attempting suicide the past 12 months did you make a plan about how you would attempt suicide past 12 months how many
Times did you actually attempt suicide if you’re attempting suicide in the last 12 months did any attempt result in an injury poisoning or overdose that had to be treated by a doctor or nurse and then it goes on about feeling sad and empty and hopeless and
Angry my gosh I mean this is so far away from a childhood that I had and I know things have changed but our kids why is why the they’re suggestible why is this happening and it’s put out by the CDC that’s what I want people to know it’s
Put out by our national mental health uh organizations it’s it’s all across the country they’re giving them in every school and I want parents to know something else at the bottom of these surveys they often say that that if you’re if this survey if the questions cause you distress maybe you
Should you know here is our Suicide Hotline so even the authors of the surveys know they aren’t good for kids and you know it it it that kind of stuff shocks parents but what I did was I tried to bring in the research to show that that parents better instincts that
This is not good for kids is exactly what our research on Su suicide and suicide contagion shows so give that to give that to me yeah so they did this amazing um it’s called the Vienna suicide study uh Subway suicide study and the reason was is there was a Spate
Of Subway suicides in Vienna Austria uh in the 90s and what the researchers had found was that valorizing the subject of a suicide um explaining methods details as a methods and repeated mention of suicide were three things that led to Suicide contagion so they stopped doing
It in Vienna they had all the media stop publicizing this suicide they were able to depress ressed the rate of suicide by 75% and they kept it down for 5 years right and what brought it back did they forget about the lesson that they learned it’s a great question I wonder
If the media just stopped you know listening to the ban stopped obeying the ban but they basically had all the media stop doing these things and they the the suicide rate plummeted well we talk about that we talk about that in um uh with copycat Killers right we we we
Don’t do that so why are we doing it with suicide and expecting that it would be better well I don’t think we expect it would be better I think that our Institutes of mental health in this country have um a a separate agenda I’m not sure why but the materials they’re
Putting in front of children the aggressive mental health interventions and I show this in the book are the opposite of what you would do if you wanted resilient and healthy kids they are breaking kids down I don’t I don’t know why but um but but that is no doubt
The effect of what they’re doing you talk about and this is so true you talk about kids have monitors all the time and they’re constantly being evaluated and watched um you know from just parents you know not feeling kids are safe or whatever they’re monitored all
The time and if you want somebody to uh do well at a subject the last thing you do is you have somebody looking over their shoulder the whole time that just makes people nervous and anxious and um you know and is that part of what our kids are feeling absolutely parents are tracking
Them on their phones I mean one of the thing wonderful psychologists I interviewed academic researcher that I interviewed is Peter gray who’s is a wonderful academic psychologist and he told me that in studies when they do psychological studies on subjects the way they introduce stress if they want
To introduce stress is all they do is add monitoring and that’s enough to create a stress condition for any subject so you know I think the I and you talk about this I think the iPhone is a giant experiment that we’re running on all of society all over the
Planet we have no idea it says a lot to me that the people who make these things don’t allow their children to have them but they’re pushing them for our children um but that doesn’t explain the increase in suicide alone right right it doesn’t I mean I’ll give you
Another statistic you know by 2016 according to the CDC one in six American children between the ages of 2 and8 already had a mental health or behavioral diagnosis now 2 to eight-year-olds weren’t on the iPhone and by the way I’m no defender of the iPhone they are terrible social media is
Awful and if we ban them and if we certainly if we took them out of the schools it would be an incredible help and I and I think it’s a no-brainer that we ought to do that but but it doesn’t explain why two to eighty olds were were
Were diagnosed at that rate one in six of them by 2016 no it doesn’t they didn’t have iPhones and they didn’t have social media so why why were they diagnosed with that how did that happen is that just we are looking to find something in our children and somebody’s
Willing to give us a diagnosis a few things so I think that parents were really uncomfortable asserting their own authority with children um and and they they very much adopted what I call Therapeutic parenting they always soliciting the kidss feelings never punishing always giving a kid options this is what they
Were told was healthy and they ended up with a lot of ungovernable kids and then the kids went off to school and they had never heard the word no and now you have a kid a teacher can’t control and so the first stop is well maybe maybe he
There’s something wrong with him maybe he has Oppositional Defiant Disorder maybe he has ADHD and one of the things parents told me is that one year a teacher would suggest an ADHD diagnosis and the next year they wouldn’t they would think the next teacher would think
They were great so the schools of course were getting involved in the diagnosis business but they really they didn’t know what they were doing of course um which which shouldn’t surprise anyone it really isn’t their expertise but they were no nonetheless because if you give
A child a drug um it really does bolt them to their seat depending on which medication you choose and it’s unfortunately there’s a conflict of interest there I’ve had really a lot of friends pull their kids out of school because the teacher or the school demanded that they put their child on
Drug on a drug and go ahead wow no they feel completely at Liberty to do that I mean that alone is astonishing I mean I I I’ll ask you this Glenn how many parents do you know have gotten this email from their school you know we know the whatever the recent catastrophe as
The Uvaldi shoot shoot shooting was was traumatic um you might not know how to talk to your children about it here is what our staff psych staff suggests for talking to your your children about you know the the the mass murder well um you know the the school shooting um they
They feel they’ve all become parenting experts they’re all telling us how to talk to our own children so I can I tell you a um I think parents sometimes feel overwhelmed completely overwhelmed um they’re just trying to hold their head uh above water they feel
Very very Alone um and I mean I’ve had several suicides in my family uh my mom committed suicide my brother committed suicide I mean just it’s long pattern um and and so I’m very well aware of the SI I I’m I’m on hyper alert cuz it seems to
Run through my family um and uh I had my son uh attempt suicide and I immediately felt like I I I I I don’t know what to do I don’t know what to do because the the consequences are so high and the the advice of I’m so glad that I received
Was he knows you’re afraid of that so don’t be afraid of that life goes on and I I thought that was insane at first but he was right he was right I whoever told you that is exactly that’s brilliant I I have had a few very rare therapists tell
Me that most of them of course immediately get in there they diagnosed they make the parents so anxious and you’re right that is terrifying and what they do is they start they start with the medications yes and um look I’m not against medication there are people who need psychiatric medication there’s no
Doubt but but you’re but that person was I’ve heard that from other other people who say that you know kids can weaponize this too and um cutting often girls will weaponize cutting against their parents because they know it brings the entire household to a halt corre they know
Their parents love them and they’ll do anything the second they you know give into any demand uh the second they go down they start with that so um you’re you’re right and whoever gave you that advice was very wise because very often um you you let the experts in the door
And they just go they start diagnosing and they start with the medication and they don’t stop I know I know um and as you point out in the book th this is uh going to be a problem I’m trying to remember uh he was the president of
Google for a while uh Schmidt and he said to me um this is probably two 2009 or 10 he said Glenn there’s going to come a time when children are going to have to change their name because there’s going to be so much information out there on them it will be almost
Impossible to go to a job interview okay and he and I said what how do you mean he said it’s inescapable the information that’s being gathered and it will happen in job interviews probably in the mid 2020s you’ll start to see this real problem and here we are and you talk
About that in the book yeah it it’s it’s really interesting you know these kids there’s no question they spend way too much on Time online way too little time with each other I mean one of the things I say in the book is look I’m no parenting
Expert for sure but what we have done is we’ve given kids an incredibly unhealthy life and then when they are bummed out when they are stressed out we just pour in Mental Health Resources expecting it to fix them and it doesn’t it often makes the condition worse because the
Problem is their life and you know I I suggest that the the real thing to do is proceed by subtraction get some of the stuff out of your kids’s life all the unhealthy stuff like way too much Tech um and give them back the healthy stuff the in-person stuff the extended family
All the stuff we know is good for them it’s so weird I don’t carry a cell phone um you know I don’t know I live my whole life without one and if you’re really needed to get a hold of me an emergency people have you know um but my wife
Won’t give one up my kids tell me there’s no way Dad we can you we’ve got to have it no that’s not true W would you take the cell phone away from children my my kids don’t have them good um I mean look my oldest boys are 13 so
You know they haven’t they start high school next year we’ll see what we do um we haven’t we we certainly aren’t giving them the the full smartphone um you know whether we give them a flip phone or some version but the kids have done fine buming calls from their friends when
They need to I know and you know there’s so many around the argument is they’re going to be excuse the language socially they’re not going to be able to function with all their friends it makes them weirdos outcasts and Tech is going to be such a huge part of their life oh
It’s the opposite actually if you want to know the truth sorry um they’re they’re more socially Adept because they have to talk to people they’re way more they have to ask directions I mean there’s no question it’s been a huge I mean the question is only how much
Strength my husband and I have but the truth is is it is it good for them it’s not even a question you kidding me they have better attention spans they have better I mean it’s definitely good for that and and it socially are you kidding have you seen a kid who has
A phone early there’s nothing worse they don’t make eye contact they you know can’t sit through a movie they’ll text each other sitting next to each other right you’re like lean over and say something it’s right you wan you want to talk about socially backwards so so uh
There’s no question getting that away from them and and a lot of other things that are bad for them you know they they the isolation of kids today from Community from higher purpose from a sense that they’re connected from hearing their grandparents stories and their you know cousins yes we they need
This stuff they need it because they’re going to go through hard times and they need to know that their people got through hard times MH that I I was sitting with u my wife’s mom last night at the table and my kids were both out and she was just talking just saying the
Stuff that my grandmother used to say and I so wanted my kids in the house cuz right they have to hear that and you may have hated it when you were a kid because you’re like oh that story again you know if I heard one more story about
The Great Depression when I was a kid but that makes a difference to me now a great difference that’s that’s right you know I realized something we stopped telling those stories completely I remember you remember the meme they used to go around like the the joke and it
Was on every greeting card you know on my my parents walked five miles up the up the hill to school every day you don’t even see that Meme anymore and the reason you don’t is people stop telling what they’re you know maybe they exaggerated I don’t know but we stop
Telling those stories to our kids so now instead what we do is attend to every minor hurt and worry they have it magnifies their worry and also they have no proof that they come from tough people correct that people who have gotten through harder things you know
They’re going to need that I know they do um I I was struggling with some you know you know what it’s like to stand up against the mobs today and I was having a bad time and I started doing some work on my family history and I found that my
Uh great uncle died in Andersonville which was the horrid prison camp in the South during the Civil War and my uh my uh great great grandfather fought in the Civil War and was captured so they both went to Andersonville but that gave me this sense of I come from people who
Stand I come from people who have been in the worst I mean that’s compared to the concentration camps of the 30s they endured they endured um and it means something that’s exactly right you know I I interviewed one of the people I interviewed was this wonderful Harvard Medical School psychiatrist
Whose parents had survived aitz and you know other concentration camps and one of the they they survived in the sewer pipes in Poland they escaped to the sewer pipes and one of the things he told me was that not only does that has that story given him strength but also
One of the things that that that made his parents that got them through was memories of their families that they would Replay in their mind these beautiful memories of their extended families and just kept them going and he said he sees young har you know University students and he says they
Don’t know about their family histories why is that why have we stopped I think we decided we were going to stop burdening our young people with their you know those stories instead we were going to focus entirely on them as unique and atomized individuals it was
The opposite of what we would do if we wanted to actually give them a sense of well-being but we started treating them as so unique in the world so precious that we ripped them from the social fabric we ripped them from the people they’re connected to we didn’t want to
Burden them with it but we also didn’t realize it would have strengthened them too I have to tell you um because I’ve always felt my children are going to need Oodles of therapy because I’ve always treated them you know in appropriate ways like Ault I treat them
With respect um and so they’ve gone all over the world with me they’ve been with presidents and but they’re expected to behave and listen and contribute if you can um uh and I talk to him about the world that’s going on and how different it is and what’s
Changing and I think my kids uh now that they’re you know 19 and 20 um are stronger because of that then they can they can have conversations with anyone I I have no doubt that they are because the thing is that’s what’s good for kids skills give them skills put
Them in hard situations like here is a president you have to make conversation with whatever it is right and expect them to do it and have high expectations then they’ll go out in the world and they’ll meet a new challenge and say I can talk to my boss I just talk to the
President so but but is the problem is the problem them or us because like like you just said I got to tell you man the you know Netflix or whatever is such a great break at times and you feel like a bad parent CU you’re like you know what
Sit in front of the TV for a while because you just need the break so is it us where our parents or grandparents didn’t get that opportunity to break right we’re we’re in overload right we all are I mean you know everything can be ordered up instantly
For us we are flooded with information we are flooded with Netflix as you say I mean you know people have called it an addiction economy it really really is but but all that stuff we know and and by the way obviously I partake of it too I’m not pointing fingers but what we
Know we have to proceed by subtraction we know it’s unhealthy it’s not actually healthy for us to order up any show any time of day or night and the reason it is is it’s accommodating our every whim and then we are less we are less able to
Sit through boredom or you know anything that displeases us it it makes us weaker in a way and unfortunately so how do you how do you do that in a now kind of environment how how do you how do you do that well well I think there’s a few things the easiest thing
To do of course would be to band phones during the school day we don’t even do that I mean that’s a no-brainer right just don’t let them text during the day when they’re actually with their friends right right I mean there is truly no reason to be texting your friend while
You’re with your friend um so that would be one obvious and very easy situation but the other thing would just be to you know the that reconnect them in person to people who care about them who love them make sure they see grandparents make sure they have cousins around we we
Took them away we took everyone who was a non expert away from the child because we decided they their their child rearing wasn’t expert so it was less good and we hired people the kids knew they didn’t really care about them you always know that and we in in so doing
We made them a lot less resilient because mom got no or dad whoever was in charge got no push back so there was no we weren’t subjecting kids to a range of different styles and approaches it was all one and it was all being directed usually by Mom and and usually she was
Directed by some mental health expert so and increasingly so from the schools too um talk to me about you know um uh subtraction of things that are harmful increasingly that’s our school um I mean you know you are I think Vindicated here especially with the latest reports coming out on your
First book um I mean that is extraordinarily harmful uh to to our kids um and and yet all of this stuff is being preached at school can you do it with your kids in school or is that too much of an influence of the negative it’s it’s a really good
Question I guess it depends on the school but is school a problem school’s are not your friend and when you they’re not parents friends and when they say that oh this well just having the mental health experts re meet you know talk to your kids they’re not your friends
Either right that’s what parents need to know and why do you and show me why you say that well because a few things first of all the you know the last book I wrote was all about an epidemic that was largely encouraged by school counselors right um that’s what they would do they
Would you know affirm a child’s transgender identity and deceive parents the act of the school policy was and still is in many places to lie to the parents and as I show in the book the social emotional learning uh uh exercises are very much the same the parents they don’t even call them
Parents caregivers that’s what we’re reduced to are Outsiders and what who presides over it all the teacher the school counselor and they know best they are the trusted adults that are always talked about in the materials and it’s the same sort of thing the the um effort to undermine child parent relationships
And is is real and I have to tell you that’s what I argue in the book would happen and after I finished the book two studies came out researchers in Europe were looking into the same things that I was claiming in the book in Europe they were doing these social emotional
Exercises with the kids in both Australia and the UK and um and two major reports came out this is academic research peer reviewed and they said that these techniques with kids the coping mechanisms uh the emotional disregulation the emotional regulation techniques were making kids sadder more anxious and more alienated from their
Parents so and it’s the same thing so explain that to me the coping mechanisms everybody thinks oh you know just give him something to fidget with or give them you know a stress ball or they’ve they count to 10 and breathe why are those so bad well because they start by
Saying think about a time when you were sad does anyone want to share a time when you were disappointed or let down or sad so now we’re increasing what they call rumination the really the simp the number one symptom of depression which is dwelling on a past pain because in
Order to teach the mechanisms you have to first to induce sadness in the group right if there’s happiness there’s nothing to teach them if you’re asking about a time that was great in your life there’s nothing to teach so you start by inducing sadness in the in the class which of course is
Bonkers but but let me let me tell you something else who’s in charge of keeping a child well and safe the parents so inevitably it tees up criticism of parents why what was happening well my mom went out that day or my mom didn’t have time to look at my
Homework and I was really sad it the the criticism of the parent is almost inevitable because you’re asking kids with this authority to talk about a time when they were sad had to share their trauma well whose fault is that that the child was traumatized so can I jump to
This um because there’s another thing that was uh shocking to me in the book where um through uh seal they are asking I can’t here it is um homework I spy and uh seventh graders are encouraged to play a game that might be called hero of the so Soviet Union
You’re a private investigator it prompts you’ve been hired by an unnamed source to spy on your family the source wants to find out all the various feelings that one or more of your family members have while doing activities at home you won’t be able to talk to your family you
Don’t want to blow your cover so you’ll have to use your Keen skills of observation and they’re trying to find out from the kids through the parents body language and the family’s body language what’s happening in the family this is like Nazis or as you say hero of
The Soviet Union I mean they’re asking kids to spy on their families and report back and that’s a direct quote from the social emotional learning materials and you know it I I like that exercise because it just makes explicit what all the others it runs it’s a theme that
Runs through all the exerc you know so many of the exercises I looked at which are look we’re here to talk about your emotions think about a time when you might be sad oh then bring it into class and remember that all these teachers and school counselors are mandatory
Reporters to child services so anything they hear about that sounds fishy to them like parent yelling at them which they in some of the materials indicate is abusive in their view um and they they can easily call Child Services on um and that’s that’s how they’re thinking they’re encouraging children to
Think with them about whether their parents are doing a good job so let me ask you um and I don’t know if you can answer this but um you know when um when medicine was introduced to put you under for a surgery the surgeons didn’t like it and the surgeons fought
Up against it because at the time what made a good surgeon was a fast cut somebody who could go go in and amputate a leg the fastest okay somebody who could go in and remove something the fastest it wasn’t the best it was Make It Stop fast okay so when they
Introduced ether a lot of these doctors knew wait a minute I’m fast I’m not necessarily good I’m fast and so the standards changed and a lot of the doctors fought against anesthesia wow do you have any idea are these is this whole thing just self-perpetuating
On what stupidity on ego on what what is the motivation when you can show this stuff is harmful right so I I tried to go back and go through the psychological research to prove that it’s harmful because it’s not just our instincts I mean what I wanted parents to know is
Not just common sense There’s real data and real research showing that all of this is harmful it’s exactly what you want all of these programs in in schools these social emotional programs um the expanded psych staffs the ghy the school counselor and the all the accommodation
For kids who don’t need it it’s exactly what you would do if you wanted to make kids weaker if you wanted to break kids down and you can’t track motive at all all I mean cuz it’s an industry right I mean it’s grown I can only tell you that since 1986 nearly
Every decade has seen a doubling in our expenditure on mental health and the Lion Share of that is going to young people it’s going to kids and Adolescence they have presided over the worst downward spiral of mental health um that we’ve seen and they’ve been you
Know working on us the whole time and that’s the problem as I you know as I argue the race of incidents of problem of disease of disorder should be going down with increased treatment instead it’s been skyrocketing um and I don’t think that’s an accident I don’t think that the
Treatments are not only unhelpful they’re counterproductive they’re making the problem worse getting kids to constantly focus on their feelings talk about their sad feelings focus on each other’s feelings they’re creating a tyranny of feelings and they’re tyrannizing themselves and tyrannizing each other so let me just play devil’s advocate here for a second
Um my father had some horrible things happen to him when he was young horrible his father did things to him that just are unspeakable he never told anyone in the family until about 15 years before he died he told me because I asked him questions dad why were you so distant I
Remember a fishing trip and I said that was just the weirdest Awkward Moment of our relationship do you remember that and he told me what happened on a fish he remembered that and he told me what he was trying to avoid uh because there was such bad memories and I wanted to go
Fishing uh so he took me um you know there are some things that you should share and delve and and and open up about the old generation World War II they never talked about it never now everybody’s pouring their feelings out is there a happy medium well let’s question it’s it’s a
Good question here’s what I’ll say two things um one is that even the most traumatized people who’ve gone through horrible things and have been in some ways scarred by it aren’t necessarily helped by talk things therapy okay so it’s not always a good thing to just get
It out sometimes people know that not talking about it is best I interviewed a wonderful man Richard Bing who who works with ex-convicts in Plymouth England and these kids these people these ex-convicts went through unbelievable abuses children and he said Sometimes the best way to help them is not by
Pushing them to talk about it because it’s we’re not helping the kidss who didn’t start out with problems because we’re encouraging them to think of themselves as traumatized when they aren’t and we’re not helping the kids who were traumatized why because having a counselor or a school teacher casually a
Ask you about your bad feelings right before your math test when you went through some serious pain you don’t need a counselor who’s going to take the summer off you need you may need serious intervention on an ongoing basis but having your teacher inquire about your P past pain with the class is
Counterproductive for someone who actually went through something very hard our American values are under attack um our schools are under attack our families are under attack our financial system is under attack from inside and out it’s frankly broken uh when you have three gigantic CEOs when you have when you have the uh
Head of City Bank selling his shares when you have uh Bezos shell selling his shares in Amazon and there’s three of them I can’t remember what the third one is they’ve sold to the tune of nine billion dollars of their own shares what do they know that I don’t know what’s
Coming I recommend please that you take some of your hard-earned savings uh and you put it into an asset that you can trust and that is gold gold is the Hedge against Insanity it always has been mark my words the world will eventually return to Gold they have to Lear helped
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8957 gold now back to Abigail this is I’m so I’m so glad you are the one who is doing all this research because um this is a hard case to make to moms and to people who are who are naturally nurturing you know it’s one thing for a guy to say buckup buttercup
It’s another for a mom to say no this is not good how do you convince the people who really just think they’re doing the the right thing for their kids by keeping them in swaddling clothes well here’s the problem it’s not that we need to change every mom okay
The problem is there’s no balance the dad’s no one is telling them you’re fine Shake It Off no one is saying you’ll live remember we used to hear that all the time you’ll live every adult used to say it now no one says it not even their Soccer Coaches allowed to say it
So the problem is not is not that moms you know are over coddling or dads are over codling it’s that there’s absolutely no balance and the dad is very often told you don’t know what you’re doing I know I talk to the expert you have to get on the program and it in
My mind the biggest change in the last generation has not been moms it’s been dads there’s there they don’t feel like their way their instincts are good they feel like they’re inexpert and backwards that’s what they’ve been told and they’re afraid to do any you know give
The kid any balance so it’s interesting because I have a wonderful wife we have a great relationship and we talk about everything when it comes to the kids and disciplining the kids and we both feel that there is to everything there is a season sometimes dad needs to handle it
Sometimes mom needs to handle it mom doesn’t understand how to handle the boy and I don’t necessarily understand how how to handle the girl because I I I mean I everything when I say something to my daughter every my wife sometimes will look at me like what the hell are
You even thinking I don’t know you know and she does that to my son my son will walk out of the room and I’ll say what the what that’s just that plays into everything it is you know and it takes that balance you have to have that balance of
No but I love you right exactly yeah exactly right it never needs to be cold the idea that we you know if you tell a kid no we’re going back to some you know era of the 50s or whatever imagined era where parents were authoritarian and cold no there’s these
Kids never hear the word no there all the you know gentle parenting therapists are telling parents never say it it’s cruel never punish that that’ll cause emotional injury these kids are never being told you’ll live and the problem is kids don’t know they’re looking to parents to decide should I cry now
Should I lie on the field or should I try to get up that’s so great there’s nothing better than when you’re a parent you learn this quickly kid falls and you go who just fell down and they laugh you say oh my gosh they immediately cry they do look to you it’s
Amazing exactly um that’s exactly yeah so the um the experts are out there and they are growing and growing in power and stature and yet you are proving that they are part of the problem um like the um the American Pediatric Association where the hell were they during covid exactly
Exactly the mental health experts who now hold themselves as the solution to the problem had nothing to say when we were heading into a second year of lockdowns for these children and by the way it was obvious every parent knew it parents protested and they were ignored but you know what the American
Psychological Association the American Psychiatric Association School Counselors Association you know what they’ve been preoccupied by and and some of them went to Congress to lecture on police tactics climate change um you know racial inequities that’s what they had time to lecture the public now on now they think there’s the
Solution to kids mental problem mental health problems when they had nothing to say about the most foreseeable catastrophe how is this affecting us because I I just thought about this today where you know the this week the State of the Union was happening and they’re going to talk about um
IVF and I thought wow we’re we’re in a a psychological war with China there are people that want to go to war in Ukraine our economy is falling apart kids are killing themselves we’ve got fentanyl coming across the border and you want to talk about what not that it’s not
Important but are you kidding me it’s we’re te we we’re not teaching critical thinking and we’re not teaching priorities it’s a big problem I I I I couldn’t agree with you more here I just you know uh I think that’s why the group that I trust the most is parents they’re the
Only ones with skin in the game they’re the only ones who are laser focused on beaten down they’re beaten down that’s right but I write for them I mean that’s what I try to get my books into the hands of parents so that they can go in
And whatever decision they want to make at least they have more information so what is the um what is the difference in the generations as far as Generation Z disconnecting from the parents yet living in the house um you know not not paying for not not even getting a driver’s license it’s
A different world and the tendency is to say well it’s a new generation I’ve thought of this a million times my grandfather um he would do things and say things that we’d all go like he’s just Grandpa okay uh because times changed and now I’m
Wondering am I just am I just out of step and all of this stuff is has moved past me and I it you can’t say suck it up put the damn phone away go outside and find some rocks and some sticks and build something you know I I think that um
There’s no question times have changed but the the problem with this generation is it’s so manifestly suffering and more importantly they’re not even proud of themselves they think they’re weak because the truth is look hairstyles may change fashion may change but a man a young man or woman who’s living at home
With parents because she can’t hold down a job and there’s nothing wrong with her she’s living you know the the number of young people 18 to 25 who are living with their parents choosing to um is alarming um and it’s because you know with with our even with our low
Unemployment they don’t want to leave the house they don’t want to take on adult responsibilities and they’re not really proud of themselves either um that’s the thing when you have capacity when you can do things in the world when you feel efficacious you also feel good
I mean as I say in the book you know adulthood is actually the cure for adolescent angst so when we help them avoid adulthood and all responsibilities we’re really doing them a disservice um that same therapist told me start adopting the phrase huh that’s going to be
Interesting to see how you work that out and it takes I love that I know it takes all of the responsibility that they’re trying to shove on you and you say no it’s your turn now you got to do it and I’m going to have a good time
Watching you figure that out because I know you’ll come up with a solution good luck to you well it you know it’s also a way I love that and it’s also a way of telling your kids I believe you can yes see when you rush in to solve every problem what
You’re telling them is this is above your pay grade you can’t and you must always check in with me can empathy make us mean yes yes it can it goes along with and there’s great research on this empathy goes along with an amazing cruelty to the outgroup so it
Preferences the feelings of the ingroup or or the in you know whoever the victim is at the expense of the outgroup and in fact um there’s a wonderful psych academic psychologist Paul Bloom who wrote a wonderful book about this called against empathy but what he says in the
Book is that if you make fairness your guide you can treat everyone fairly but if you make empathy your guide we only have the ability we’re only Built to empathize with one or two people at the same time we can’t do it so what it often goes along with is great cruelty
To everyone else that seems to be what is happening throughout the world they’re teaching Equity they’re teaching social justice and I mean I see it now on the streets with um with people who will just say you know all those people just need to be rounded up you know they’re just
Really they’re really a problem and they just need to go away you know I had somebody on the air this is years ago but I always use it as an example but it’s happening now a guy who was a Palestinian called my show right after September 11 and they said look we
Wouldn’t have a problem with all these Jews if there just weren’t all those Jews and you I empathize with the Palestinian people I empathize with the people that are now homeless but I also look at this and you have to say you have to have a right or wrong
First you have to know I’m sorry you are paying a price but the Germans also paid a price because they were putting people in ovens and until you stop that behavior and you all look at each other go we shouldn’t vote that way anymore you I can’t I can’t help you does that
Make sense yes yes it does you know the problem with therapy in general a therapeutic or empathetic approach is that amoral there’s that’s the whole point of therapy it’s non-judgmental and that if that is your only guide and I’m not saying therapy can never be useful
Of course it can but if that is your only guide if empathy is your only guide then you’re going to lead to what we’re seeing now we’re seeing now stores in San Francisco that have no zionists allowed sign uh which is the same thing as saying no Jew believe it or not
Believe it or not that’s not San Francisco that’s Salt Lake City wow yeah wow yeah wow uh I mean that’s what I’m saying we’re we’re seeing this across the country and they have tremendous empathy what they don’t have is decency so can we talk on a larger scale um
I’ve seen a lot in my life I’m I’m a wannabe historian self-educated guy just read a lot and and study history I see the patterns and the cycles that repeat um and I think we’re coming to the end of this cycle where we’ll start to swing back now usually you don’t
Without real tragedy but people are starting to W wake up some and and go you know none of this is working what are we doing but I don’t know if we can do it in time um are you optimistic about society and and the future of
Where we are as a as a people and a civilization you know I’m optimistic about some of it um yes and here’s here’s the thing a lot of our biggest problems we can solve so the way kids are being raised we can fix that that’s really easy it starts in your home and
You can absolutely get the bad influences out um you know obviously we have certain problems in the country we we have this open border right now I don’t know if if we remain unserious about that I just don’t know how we won’t end up looking like Europe
Um you know I I with this open border we know that there people coming in that wish us ill it took 19 hijackers if we have uh another terrorist attack and it’s a bad one I could see good people just saying make it stop I don’t care how you
Make it stop make it stop and you know empathy and compassion and reason and Justice and all of that stuff goes way out the window and and you’re seeing this um anger and unwillingness to use reason that’s what concerns me and we’re seeing this honestly all this you know the climate
Hysteria that you see on the left where parents were so working their children up about the world ending and honestly the parents needed mental health care in many cases I mean you know there’s an incredible study that came out from Jee twangy showing that conservative boys from con sorry boys from Liberal
Families had worse mental health than girls from conservative families why and so we don’t know why there are a lot of theories but clearly a few things one it’s clearly environmental it’s clearly the the the what we’re surrounding them with right right it’s also clearly not social media
Girls are on a lot more social media than boys and that’s true of every kind of political you know whatever the family boys are more suicidal in Liberal families than conservative girls yes they in in terms of anxiety and depression the girls at from conservative families are doing better
Now there are a few reasons that might be one parents are much less likely to hand the family over to a mental health expert and bring a mental health expert in the door okay um so there’s that that but also um you know religion sense of higher purpose all Community all things
We know are good for kids these aren’t expensive see that’s what I’m optimistic about all of these Solutions don’t cost anything I know it doesn’t cost anything to keep a phone from your child it only costs it if you give it to them right so
So it’s yeah go no go ahead so the biggest things we can give them grandparents Independence genuine Independence teaching them a skill then having them go out and use it whatever it is all these things that are so good for them they actually don’t cost any
Money and um we can do them easily ourselves and and you say look we’re sending kids off to these schools and God knows what’s in the school and that’s true and some parents may want to just pull their kids out of school but you know what we can do we can make sure
That before our kids go off to school they know what we believe they know what’s true if you arm them with that you’re already giving them a leg up and I have told my kids look sitting around talking about your feelings is just a way to make you sad
You’re fine I wanted to talk to you about religion in its role you said that they have to have something bigger than themselves but the schools are actually saying social justice it’s bigger than you racism bigger than you you have to stop caring so much about you and solve this global Waring it’s
Bigger than you why doesn’t the bigger than you work there and it does many times with God because they’re they’re what they’re doing is marinating in a victimhood right so either the victimhood of my diagnosis the victimhood of my white of the white oppression the victimhood of
My you know gay identity lgbtq plus identity whatever it is it’s incapacitating all of those identities are saying to kid you’re limited you can’t you’re oppressed it’s extraordinarily unhealthy um it’s the opposite of what you would do if you were say in favor of a liberal movement
Or the civil rights movement and you wanted to make a positive change in the world that’s very very different from sitting around saying everyone’s oppressed you um now let’s take to the streets and talk about how the world’s going to end yeah I I I um I I I think
You’re right on that it’s it’s I tried to swear off the word evil because I think it’s thrown around too much there is evil and it’s identified October 7th that was evil um but uh I couldn’t think of another word when it came to an ideology that was preaching there’s no
Forgiveness there’s no way back and you won’t make it unless you stop this it’s just evil it just destroys people I I think that we’re getting there’s a lot of nihilism on the left but unfortunately there’s a growing amount of gloom and doom on the right as
Well and there there there is this increasingly strong you know you know you see it in the Andrew Tate type things where it’s very dark and it’s tell turning people against things like marriage and family and the ideas we should give up on all those things well those things are ultimate the best
Things in life yes and and telling people to give up on this country when it’s done such remarkable things for all of us is is really not a great message for kids and it’s it’s not right I’m sorry it’s not the right thing to do I I
Agree with you um which brings me back to action oriented and state oriented talk about that so sure so there’s a reason that the best you know football coaches at halftime you know say let’s focus on the game ahead here’s what we have to do you do this you go do this
You cover him whatever it is they lay out a plan and they focus every player on the task ahead why because it turns out if you have a task or or a goal orientation you are more likely to complete it but if you adopt the opposite orientation and they say to
Kids so how are you doing with your parents’ divorce at halftime if you focus on your own feelings and stay date you are less likely to be able to complete any task that’s what our schools are doing to kids in the middle of the day they’re asking kids tell me
How you’re feeling we’re just doing an emotions check-in how are you feeling right before the kids have to do something really hard like take a math test it’s the opposite of what we should be doing if we want them to actually be successful and everything in society is
Is it used to be action-based it I mean I remember you know I pout or something my mom would say clean your room you’ll feel better um you know go out and do something go out and and make something produce something make somebody happy do
Something and now it’s all me me me me me and you get trapped in that to the point where you can’t take action you’re just paralyzed exactly I mean nobody’s saying that if you have a broken a kid with a broken leg you tell them to keep playing
Soccer right so nobody is saying that the point is for minor injuries or minor disappointments telling a kid to go out and do something is an incredible way of actually lifting them up and every study has showed this the recent most recent study was that uh I think came out a
Week or so ago was that dancing does more for your mental health it does more for moderate to mild to moderate depression than anti anti-depressants or or therapy getting out and moving any exercise is remarkably good at lifting your mood and instead we’re giving kids an unhealthy life and then
We’re putting them on a series of anti-depressants it’s not helping so I remember um I didn’t really cuz we didn’t label things when I was growing up um riddled with ADD I didn’t know it didn’t I didn’t care didn’t make a difference and I think I was probably
35 when my staff finally we were talking about add in the news and I’m like bunch of hogwash and uh they said uh Glenn you know somebody that has ADD like crazy and I’m like who and they all said you and so we had a doctor I like now I know
Had a doctor come in and and analyze on the air and oh he got like three questions in and he’s like you are a case study for ADD and uh so one of the doctors at NYU um was writing a writing a book about add and how you can either
Look at that as a blessing or a curse and it’s it’s a blessing if you adapt if you’re giving your kids medication which by the way I tried medication for ADD it’ll screw with you so many different ways your kid doesn’t know what sides of his personality is
Good and what’s bad and what to shave off never give that stuff to your kids um and then uh and so one day the the doctor said explain your day how do you do your job and I explained what’s in front of me what’s in my ear and
Everything else he said don’t you realize people with ADD either end up under a bridge or they’re very successful because they’ve learned how to process so much stuff all at once we’re taking blessings and making them into curses I I love that what you just said is perfect that’s exactly right that’s
Exactly what I talk about in the book The number of people who are wildly successful with untreated ADHD is shocking shocking now that doesn’t mean you don’t do you know you don’t adapt in certain ways handing your kid a phone all the time you know to play on YouTube
When they already are having a trouble with attention not great you know right right but I’ll tell you something else you know what they do in other countries this is amazing this I I interview this wonderful woman who’s a cross-cultural psychologist and she showed me pictures of classrooms in China and Russia and
Other countries and you know they’re completely bare and do you know why because they want all kids to focus on the teacher at the front so there are these bare classrooms with the only interesting thing is maybe the alphabet at the front of the room what we do in
In America is we create child’s classrooms looks like Marty gr celebrations right and then you have kids with attention spans well I mean in my my kids classroom they had a working um traffic light that would go from red to Yellow to Green I’m not saying you
Know that wasn’t fun but I’m just saying like we we give these kids these crazy environments and then we’re shocked when they can’t you know pay attention um whereas we we could do more to help them but but in any case you’re right these things become amazing strengths see
There are no quirky people in the Next Generation they all just have a mental health diagnosis Abigail thank you so much for all of your hard work thank you for being brave enough to do the things that you’ve done and uh and really put yourself out there it it’s you are um in
In my book you are um a true courageous woman who will be remembered for a long time thank you that’s so kind of you to say it it’s always great to talk to you Glenn it’s great to talk to you the name of the book um read it you will feel
Vindicated um but you’ll understand why and you’ll be able to teach it to others bad therapy why the kids aren’t Growing Up by Abigail shrier thank you Abigail thank you so much you back
