Which is kind of special because it means that in the space of 20 years bush press secretaries have gone from telling me i need to watch what i say they need to to watch what they say watch what they do and this is not a time for remarks like that there never is
They’ve gone from that to wondering if i should run for president it’ll be interesting to see if bill maher is recruited to run for the presidency now some people think this means i’ve changed i assure you i have not i am still the same unmarried childless pot-smoking libertine i always was
I have many flaws but you can’t accuse me of maturing [Applause] let’s get this straight it’s not me who’s changed it’s the left who is now made up of a small contingent who’ve gone mental and a large contingent who refused to call them out
For it but i will that’s why i’m a hero at fox these days which shows just how much liberals have their head up their ass because if they really thought about it they would have made me a hero on their media but but that can’t happen in this ridiculous
New era of mind-numbing partisanship where if i keep it real about the nonsense in the democratic party it makes me an instant hero to republicans the same thing happened in reverse to darth vader’s daughter liz cheney who is now a hero to liberals simply because she recognizes biden did not
Steal the last election what a sad commentary on our politics where simply acknowledging reality is now seen as a profile in courage people sometimes say to me you know you didn’t you didn’t used to make fun of the left as much yeah because they didn’t give me so much to work with
The oath of office i took was to comedy and if you do goofy wherever you are in the spectrum i’m going to make fun of you because that’s where the gold is and the fact that they are laughing at it should tell you something it rings true when
Normal people read that san francisco has basically legalized shoplifting they think democrats have gone nuts they think you know that ted cruz cruz guy seems like a real stiff but at least he believes in the concept of shopping with money it’s not it’s not my fault that the party of fdr
And jfk is turning into the party of lol and wtf [Applause] members of congress tweeting things like cancel rent cancel mortgage and no more policing or incarceration declaring that capitalism is slavery canceling lincoln and dr seuss teaching children their oppressors and math is racist making mr potato head gender-neutral
And now an emoji for pregnant men real i’m not making it up california just passed a law requiring large retailers to have a non-gendered toy section a non-gendered toy section isn’t ken enough [Applause] we need a law for that you have to inject yourselves into everything from
Where you can throw a frisbee to who can braid hair this is why so many people by the way were triggered by covid policies they were already sick of rules regulation should be a good issue for democrats it’s certainly one they’re associated with and i think the average voter would
Agree that banks and chemical plants and drug companies need watching telling a company you can’t dump the waste from your hog farm straight into the water supply we’re mostly all for that but democrats have become a parody of themselves just making rules to make rules because it makes you feel like
You’re a better person making sure that everything bad never happens again which you can never fully do it just makes everyone else’s life a drag the biden infrastructure bill has a provision that requires all new cars to install an alert system that goes off when you leave a baby in the back seat
Which is something done only by crackheads and people who sadly yes do it on purpose and after every one of us winds up bearing the cost for cars to install this alarm you know who’s going to ignore it crackheads and people who do it on purpose
A sensor light is not going to fix this problem and democrats no longer possess the common sense to understand that not every problem in the world can be fixed with the regulation but don’t tell that to the advocacy groups who also want every future car in america to only start when the driver
Blows into a breathalyzer oh great my other car is a karen [Applause] well you know it’s also not safe to drive when you’re crying to do should we make a car that follows your texts and stops the engine when you’re dumped [Applause] racism is bad how about a car that won’t
Start unless you play a message about tolerance from george takei [Applause] regular viewers of this program may recall my long battle to get solar power hooked up at my house it involved this shed which had to be built to house this solar battery yes that battery needed a house to live in
And not just any house one that had to follow the specifications of this chart that’s a real chart of the steps we had to go through to get this thing turned on democrats have to stop thinking that what the voters dream about is to be hassled
If you buy a shed at costco it comes with this warning warning this product can expose you to wood dust wood dust no kidding which is known to the state of california to cause cancer that’s right california thinks you’re going to snort your shed [Applause] i don’t want to blow pinocchio i just
Want to put the lawnmower away you
