grow up that doesn’t make me gay I just titty [ __ ] her titties are as real as any titties in their life it’s 2:00 in the morning I was just borrowing a little friction from a stranger who whoops it’s the madness of Youth types of mistakes a man makes when he’s young I wouldn’t even know that it’s necessarily a mistake was wild Night Out but I don’t do it like that anymore I’m old I’m 44 now thanks it’s first time in my life I’ve ever like started to physically feel my age you can it’s tough man you know how I know I’m getting old this is embarrassing but I was in my hotel room I was I’m not going to lie I was jerking off like and I was like really sweating it out and this is when I knew I was old I just gave up in the middle like nothing even happened I [Applause] just I don’t like looking at my dick anymore my dick looks distinguished it’s old a old looking dick it’s got salt and pepper hair all around it my dick looks like Morgan Freeman in the 90s without the dots my dick narrates Dave pulled me out and started jerking me around and jerking me around but not with the same vigors when he was young he and I both knew nothing was coming out I see my age and my children I came home from the road this is not long ago I I’ve been gone for if you can picture I was gone for weeks and weeks and when I came back uh nobody was home now one person in my family thought that uh maybe I like to see them when I got back like they knew when I was coming back but they just weren’t they just weren’t home and that [ __ ] was a wakeup call you know like when my kids were little and the tour bus would pull up to the house these [ __ ] would spill out dad is home hooray and they’d hug me and kiss me and then as the years went on they’d get less interested said hey everybody look it’s Mr promis is back from the road but empty house that’s that’s some cold [ __ ] I went into my oldest son’s room I was like hello hello he was gone and I never done this thing before but for some reason I just did it I just I just looked through his [ __ ] just to see who this [ __ ] was becoming and I found these notebooks and I started going going through the notebooks and it was all this wonderful poetry in them written as his handwriting I didn’t even know this [ __ ] wrote poems and then I look through his drawers and I opened up his middle drawer and I found his rolling paper and I look down at them papers like oh that’s where that poetry is coming [Applause] from and that [ __ ] broke my heart I mean I smoked weed but I moured my son’s innocence and I cried a little bit and I took his papers upstairs in my room rolled some weed that I had hid from the family and I got really high and then I got paranoid so I put his papers back how I found him so he would know what I was up to this [ __ ] won’t even know that that happened till he sees the special then that niggaer I found your papers he’s a cold [ __ ] let me tell you this kid is only 16 years old listen what he did to me this [ __ ] calls me up in the middle of the night it was 1:00 in the morning he goes Dad don’t be mad I knew something was terribly wrong I said what’s going on he said listen I’m fine and don’t forget you told me to do this I’m in a party and my designated driver had too much to drink and me and my friend friends need you to come pick us up I said Jesus Christ it’s 1:00 in the morning [ __ ] I am shitfaced when I figured [ __ ] it’s better me than some kid I might as well roll the dice and go pick my [ __ ] up I said all right I’m coming to get you just give me the address and I’ll be right there and then he gave me the address and I was I was shocked I said Son you are not going to believe this but I’m at the same party they grow fast don’t they can I ask you a weird question I want to make you feel uncomfortable you don’t have to answer and if it doesn’t go well we’ll just edit it out anyway is it weird to be the only white people in a row as it we I mean you can be honest does it feel strange are you worried at all give me your money [ __ ] I’m fuing this guy got ice in his veins he didn’t even buckle you know like many black men my age the first time I voted was 8 years ago right I saw Obama on TV I said oh I’m voting for this [ __ ] I remember the day I voted for Obama I voted in Ohio and my vote matters in Ohio Ohio is a Battleground state but when I pulled up to the polls all the soldiers were in line there was so many black people in that goddamn line I didn’t even know it was a PO I thought it was a check cashing place [Applause] we were hugging each other and old people were singing hymns and spirituals they verdict time 10 or some [ __ ] I’ve never seen black people that happen 8 years later I’m pulling up to the polls again this time I’m driving a brand new Porsche because the Obama years were very good to me I was early voting and when I parked my car I figured out something that it would take the rest of the country another week to figure out I understood that Donald Trump was going to be our next president because in Ohio unlike DC you could see the results in the parking lot it’s all these goddamn pickup trucks and tractors and [ __ ] [Laughter] and then I walked up and I saw a long long lines of Dusty white [Applause] people yes ladies and gentlemen these were the poor whites now must tell you I’ve never had a problem with white people ever in my life but full disclosure we’ve gotten a lot of trouble out of them and I’ve never seen so many of them up close I looked them right in their cold smeared faces and to my surprise you know what I didn’t see I didn’t see one deplorable face in that group I saw some angry faces and some determined faces but they felt like decent folk no they did in fact I’m not even lying and I didn’t sound [ __ ] up but I felt sorry for them I know the game there I know that rich white people call Poor white people trash and the only reason I know that is because I made so much money last year the rich whites told me they say at the cocktail [Applause] Park and I’m not with that [ __ ] and I stood with them in line like all of us Americans required to do in a democracy nobody skips the line to vote and I listen to him I listen to him say naive poor white people things man Donald Trump’s going to go to Washington and he’s going to stand there think in my mind you dumb [ __ ] you you are poor he’s fighting for me gay people have a hard time doing that recently here we go here comes the deep water no recently I’ve noticed that I noticed it uh with that Manny Pacquiao controversy yeah no was now now in the gay communities defense uh Manny Pacquiao said some outlandish [ __ ] about gay PE very very not nice things that I won’t repeat but there was Biblical verses and some analogies to animals wasn’t a good look Nike took his shoes immediately which I thought was a little harsh a little harsh you know what I mean cuz he’s uh just cuz he’s Asian you know what I mean [ __ ] gonna take shoes off Asian dude to appease a gay dude you know what I mean no you don’t know what I mean but Asian people kind of know what I mean no no Asians in the front no no this is what I mean okay look okay you’re Asian dude no I don’t I say this with no disrespect but we’re all Americans right and we can agree that America has a huge body count all over the world but nowhere more than Asia literally if you look at history recently we have bombed the masculinity out of an entire continent we dropped two atomic bombs on [ __ ] Japan and they’ve been drawing Hello Kitty and [ __ ] ever since there a lot of lady boys in the wake of our bumps and I know these things cuz my wife is Asian she Filipino all right well okay so that explains it now you know why you see me at all those Filipino events I’m out there pick up [ __ ] I’m dropping some [Applause] off I take my wife to all that [ __ ] I took my wife to see Pacquiao fight Mayweather we sat ringside okay that yeah that was a quiet car ride home that’s what that was but if you know what’s popping in the Philippines you know that they got a whole generation of kids in the Philippines growing up with out their mothers yes a lot of women in the Philippines go to the Arabian Peninsula they come to the United back home which is still one of the number one Staples in the Philippines economy money that their expats send back to the Philippines the men on the other hand are left rearing children twilling their thumbs waiting on their wives checks these men have been [ __ ] emasculated and then suddenly a boxer rises from amongst them and reinstates their man manhood with his [ __ ] fist this is not the guy you’re supposed to ask what do you think of homosexuals he’s not your champ [ __ ] that’s why I don’t have a sneaker deal cuz if you say something the people don’t like they’ll take your [ __ ] shoes off road aead they’ve got the longest mental Gap to bridge that’s all I I’m saying cuz you know whenever I see one of them te’s on the street I don’t mind them but I’ll be like man I miss [Laughter] bruts I’m sorry guys I’m 42 I remember Bruce Jenner before the Kardashians before all that this [ __ ] was a white American superhero it was amazing he was beating Africans at track and field we’ never seen anything like it he was on my cereal box growing up you know how much of that cereal I ate [ __ ] I didn’t know he was going to do [Applause] that I knew before you guys knew I heard things on the street in Hollywood you know you just be out see people hey what’s up Kanye why the long face [ __ ] you’ll see got two mother-in-laws now and when I heard he was going to do it I was scared I didn’t think the public was ready I didn’t think the media was ready and you know what I was wrong never seen anything like it welcome to the world Caitlyn so long Bruce hello somebody called me a [ __ ] in traffic last Wednesday it’s a long it takes it takes a minute my wife’s friend Stuart told told me that my wife has a lot of gay friends Stuart Stuart’s their leader she has a lot of gay friends and I don’t like them not cuz they’re gay I’m just judging them on the merits of their character they’re just not nice dudes they’re [ __ ] rude house guests they’re sitting on my couch giggling with my wife eating my [ __ ] macaroons and I come in they act like the party’s over hey St what’s going on this guy talks to me the way a cat would speak if a cat could talk hi David Stuart what’s all the beef man what’s going he always want have some kind of gay political argument the last one was about a a petition in federal court to take the words husband and wife out of the law I said well why would you want those words out the law he said because it discriminates against same-sex couples I was like [ __ ] please please save me the semantics just trust me take your Chips and get the [ __ ] out of the casino you’re about out side talk it over amongst yourselves and whichever one of you was gay that’s the wife no no no Stuart didn’t like that Stuart educates me about this movement you know what I mean I didn’t even know [ __ ] about it he told me it’s called l b GT Q I was like what the [ __ ] is the Q does that even make sense Q turns out Q is like the vows that [ __ ] is sometimes why for gay dudes that don’t really know they’re gay you know what I mean like prison FS are like what I’m not gay [ __ ] I’m just sucking these dicks to pass the time now G I’m [Applause] cute [Laughter] I think I think okay again of all those letters the T has the toughest road ahead in fact I think the T should stand for tough if Martin Luther King had a sneaker deal we’d still be on the back of the bus they always true the Nike EXA come up hi Martin uh we need you to tone down the talk of civil rights and uh uh blacks being humans it’s It’s upsetting our Southern Distributors but I don’t understand I thought that’s why I had a sneaker deal in the first place not quite really it’s a walking shoe and we like the marching but try to understand [ __ ] that [ __ ] you know I get it though I understand why gay people are mad and I empathize you know what and I’m just telling you this is a black dude I support your movement but if you want to take some advice from a negro pace yourself these things take a while just cuz they passed the law doesn’t mean they’re going to like you Brown versus the Board of Education was in 1955 I was shocked is this happening wait a minute is this a time in American history when American can make a decision for the themselves and even though other Americans don’t understand it they’ll support it and let this person live a happy life is this what’s happening if it is then good for America that’s dve Chappelle the American although Dave Chappelle the Black American he was a little jealous I was like how the [ __ ] are transgender people beating black people in the Discrimination Olympics if the police shot half as many transgenders as they did [ __ ] last year it’ be a [ __ ] war in La I know black dudes in Brooklyn hard Street [ __ ] to wear high heels just feel [Applause] safe transgenders are gangsters I used to do business with a transgender and Hollywood man everybody would be scared of her in the boardroom she walk in there newly minted woman high heels [Laughter] purse then she walk to the head of the conference table stare at us all reaching a person pull her old dick out and throw it on the table let’s talk business [Applause] gentlemen [ __ ] is scary as [ __ ] if your best friend pitched that to you you’d be horrified yo [ __ ] let’s go to the hospital and cut our dicks off and make [ __ ] out of them shits what can’t we just get matching jackets or tattoos or something sure that’s what you want to do it’s only one way to find out [ __ ] woo tank bow bow let’s go to the club and trick [ __ ] in the [ __ ] us yeah okay before I did Killing Him Softly when I was 22 HBO gave me the biggest opportunity of my life at that time they gave me a half hour special but this [ __ ] was not like a special you know what I mean it was like generic it didn’t even have a title it was just Dave Shel and and I shot it in San Francisco at a place called Broadway Studios which is on the second floor of a building and beneath Broadway Studios is a nightclub and the special was only supposed to be 30 minutes and I got ready I practiced I did all the [ __ ] I was supposed to do and and the night that I taped 20 minutes into my 30 minutes set I’ll never forget this music music Started Black lasting from the nightclub underneath you could hear it real loud and it [ __ ] my whole show up and I was devastated I was a young man I really believed in what I was doing and I thought that my dream had been killed so when I got off stage I ran down the steps to the alley behind Broadway Studios and where the control trucks are parked and I kick that [ __ ] door open and I started yelling at all the producers I was nobody in Show Business just a guy that believed in us I said man you [ __ ] everything up that [ __ ] music what the [ __ ] were you thinking and there was a a guy who was a big time producer I ain’t saying no names and he stood up and he said Hey kid sit the [ __ ] down he said we didn’t ruin anything he said we made a deal with that nightclub to not play music and they didn’t honor the deal and I said who did honor the deal and he pointed to a guy I’ll never forget it was old old white man sitting in the four tourist by himself and he said that guy right there and I didn’t waste no time or ask no questions I went to that Ford tourist and I beat on that window and I said open the door [ __ ] I want to talk to you and that old man looked at me for one second and wisely drove the [ __ ] off and left me in the alley cussing at anybody who would listen and 2 minutes later literally 120 seconds later couldn’t have been any more than that the doors of the kitchen in the alley of that nightclub underneath Broadway Studios flung open and that old man was standing there that same old man with reinforcements he had two big goons with him and he looked at me he was calm as a cucumber he said you come here I want to talk to you I didn’t know anything about the streets this age but I found out later in my life that these men were were Russian mobsters and I don’t know what you guys know about the Russian mom but these are the [ __ ] that killed Denzel in Training Day and all the producers knew what I was up against they said Dave do not go in there and I said [ __ ] y’all and I walk right into that kitchen and they closed the doors behind me and it got dark as [ __ ] in there and I knew I’m not dumb I knew I was in a bad situation but you have to understand I believed in what I was doing and I didn’t give a [ __ ] just kept cussing at these [ __ ] telling them how they ruined my life and that old man couldn’t believe that I was talking all this [ __ ] and as soon as I took a breath he stopped Me Gently he said Hey kid listen your friends lied to you he said we made a deal but your friends never paid me and when he said that I realized I was locked in a kitchen I realized he was telling the truth which would make me wrong and the moment the very moment that I realized I was wrong for the first time I was afraid you see it’s a funny thing if you believe you’re absolutely right you can get drunk off the feeling of how right you are that’s why gay people are so mean but I didn’t buckle you guys would have been very proud of me I was scared but I didn’t Buckle I said well then sir I owe you an apology but I believe that no matter what reason that music was playing it ruined my life and that old man looked at me with with sympathy in his eyes and he walked over to me and he he gently placed his hand on my cheek which I got to tell you is a very emasculating thing to do I was standing there looking at the nigga’s hand on my cheek like and he said you are a real man and he tapped me on my cheek real soft just like that the doors open back up the light from the alley flooded into the kitchen and I just walked out alive I lived to fight another day and in that moment I learned one of the most valuable lessons of my life and I have to share with you and that lesson is this in your life in any given moment the strongest dream dream in that moment wins that moment I am a very powerful dreamer yeah I’m not lying I dream tonight this very night as a 14-year-old boy and I am living it as a 50-year-old man my dreams are very strong today I walked all around Washington I used to be poor in this city and all day people just said hey Dave hey Dave like they knew me personally and I felt like I knew them and I say to myself my God Dave what a powerful dream but then sometimes sometimes I feel regular feel like myself maybe I’ll smoke some weed and be some nightclub and feel shy but I’ll look across a nightclub and I’ll see some guy that no one’s ever heard up but this [ __ ] worked all week and got bottle service and his [ __ ] bringing moette with sparklers to him I picture him in my mind he’s Persian he’s doing some kind of weird Persian dance and he got six [ __ ] at his table cuz he got so much looking and they all calling his name go Cena go Cena and I’ll be looking across the room like oh my God I’m in that guy’s dream I can hear him telling his friends hey I was the club last night man that [ __ ] was fantastic I had bottle service I seen D pel crost Club looking at me like oo who was that and that’s the trick to life you have to be wise enough to know when you were living in your dream and you have to be humble enough to accept when you’re in someone else it’s why it’s why I don’t judge between Will Smith and Chris Rock because you guys look at them as big ideas but I look at them as fellow dreamers I can’t judge between them because I see myself in both of them I am Will Smith I am the man that cannot take it anymore and will slap the [ __ ] out of the next person that says says a cross word to me or somebody that I love and I am Chris Rock I am the man that can get slapped in front of the whole world and keep my composure so I don’t [ __ ] anything up that is what men do men make boundaries men enforce boundaries and Men test boundaries and no man test more boundaries than a trans man dreamer I give them my utmost respect even if I don’t understand what their dream is I know a dreamer when I see one and I’ve met many powerful dreamers in my life none more powerful than a man who calls himself little nzx I met this [ __ ] at a party I had no idea who he was but the minute he walked in that party I knew I was in his dream everybody in the party was another dreamer everyone was famous but when that [ __ ] walked in he was dressed like C3PO he was shining and everyone was like oh my god there he is there I didn’t know who he was and for some reason out of all them dreams he walked right up to me and he said I tried to get you in my video I don’t know what the [ __ ] he talking about I said what I said what what video and he just look at me like you know what video and walked away and I watched him walk away I said man I said this nigga’s having a very powerful dream you know what it reminded me of it reminded me of when we was in grade school remember in grade school the teacher would ask everybody what they want to be Timmy Timmy what do you want to be when you grow up and Timmy acted like he had an idea he’d stand up he said I want to be a fireman and the teacher would say Timmy that is a beauti beautiful train but Timmy didn’t mean it Timmy said he want to be a fireman cuz deep down Timmy’s attracted to fire by the time he’s 14 years old this [ __ ] is a full-blown pyromaniac playing with kerosene and matches like a goddamn expert and then one night he goes downtown with his buddies [ __ ] around with fire and burns a warehouse down and he doesn’t know it but there’s 13 migrant workers from El Salvador and they in that [ __ ] they get trapped and then they die in the fire and that a tragedy ah it was an accident he’s only 14 years old but ah he’s black so they try him as an adult and Timmy ends up spending the rest of his life in jail Dream Deferred what about you Billy Billy Billy what do you want to be when you grow up and Billy stands up and he says I want to be president of the United States and she says oh my God Billy Billy that is a wonderful dream and Billy means that [ __ ] Billy does everything right that [ __ ] gets his grades up he joins Student Government he even does extracurricular activities like show choire just to make his resume look good he’s on track to be president but junior year he wipes when he’s 16 he gets his girlfriend pregnant and has drop out of high school to make ends meet but lucky for him the local Walmart’s hiring by the time he’s 20 years old this [ __ ] makes assistant manager at Walmart he’s the youngest one in the district he says oh my God if I can keep this up for four more years I could be a manager and if I can keep this up for six more years after that I could even be a regional manager and have as many as three Walmarts under my control and he’s a big picture guy he sees where this path is going so he kills himself well what about you what do you want to be when you grow up I don’t want to say cuz I don’t want the other kids to laugh at me who cares if they laugh your dream is yours own your dreams so they can come true say it loud and proud what do you want to be when you grow up little nonsex that [ __ ] stood up in front of the whole class I want to be the gayest [ __ ] that ever lived I want to do a music video and slide down a stripper pole all the way to the depths of hell and suck the Devil’s dick at 10:00 on BET while all the kids are awaken can see me shockingly that was the only dream that worked out that’s why I’m here tonight in the city where I built the dreams that I live because I wanted to tell you all that they came true and I wanted to thank you all for making the man that I am today yes I am living a very powerful dream every time I come to this city and I stand in front of you I realize that my God man this is not my dream at all it’s yours and I am honored to be in it thank you very very much Washington DC I’ll see you next celebrity hunting season doesn’t matter what I say they going to get everybody eventually like look I don’t think I did anything wrong but but we’ll see they even got poor Kevin Hart can you imagine such a thing Kevin Hart let me tell you something it was it was Kevin Hart’s dream to host the Oscars that’s what he told me I remember when he told me cuz I was thinking to myself well that’s an awfully strange dream for an African-American kind of [ __ ] dreams of hosting the ospice Kevin did that’s who and he did it against all the odds Kevin became the most famous comedian this world has ever seen and he got the job that only one black man perment had he was going to host the 80th osus and I don’t know what you know about Kevin but I know Kevin Hart is damn near perfect it’s close to perfect as anybody I’ve ever seen in fact Kevin is precisely four tweets shy of being perfect 10 years ago Kevin had made some very homophobic comments and I’m not going to repeat what he said because this is Atlanta you know what I mean I’m sure there’s a lot of gay men here tonight with their [Applause] wives far big from me to offend anybody all right I’ll tell you what he said but just remember these were not my words these were Kevin’s words and it was a long time ago and I’m paraphrasing cuz I’m not good at telling other people’s jokes Okay Kevin said that if his little son was demonstrating or or or exhibiting uh homosexual Behavior around the house that he chastised him he’d say hey that’s gay and then he said he would smash a dollhouse over that child’s head ooh the gay community was furious and I don’t blame him I got a lot of gay friends and all of them 100% of them all have told me [ __ ] horror stories about the [ __ ] they had to go through just to be themselves crazy crazy stories and in all those stories I got to say not one of them has ever mentioned anything like their father smashing a [ __ ] dollhouse over their head cuz clearly Kevin was joking think about it you would have to buy this [ __ ] doll house to break it over his head in the first place does that sound right is anybody going to do that the gay community was upset and then they put so much pressure on the Academy of Mo Motion Pictures and Sciences that they went to Kevin and said if you don’t apologize to that Community then you cannot host these Oscars and then Kevin said [ __ ] it I [Applause] quit and then he went on every talk show in America and apologize for 6 weeks Kevin [ __ ] up I understand the mistake you made because I’ve made the same mistake early in my career this is many years ago 15 years ago this when I was doing Chappelle show there’s a thank you thank on network television they have a department that’s called standards and practices this is the department that tells you what you can and cannot say on television and if you’re doing your job well you should never hear from him but if you’re making Chappelle Show you’ll hear from these [ __ ] all the time and remember this is 15 years ago I made a mistake I didn’t even know I had done anything wrong I had written a sketch that had the word [ __ ] in it so I had to go to sers and practices they call me up I don’t know why they’re calling me but I like the lady that runs the department she’s usually really fair and was one of my favorite people I’ve ever worked with so she sits me down we have nice conversation she tells me oh the sketches are great I go oh fantastic well well then why am I here she said because David there’s no way that you can ever say the word [ __ ] on our Network I didn’t know I did anything wrong I didn’t try to defend myself I said all right [ __ ] it I’ll take it out have a good afternoon and as I was sleep it occurred to me hey hey Renee quick question it’s just a question seriously I want to know like why why is it why is it that that I can say the word [ __ ] with [Applause] impunity but I can’t say the word [ __ ] and she said because David you are not not gay I said well Renee I’m not a [ __ ] either but you see what I didn’t realize at the time and what Kevin had to learn the hard way is we were breaking an Unwritten and UNS spoken rule of Show Business and if I say it you’ll know that I’m telling you the truth the rule is that no matter what you do in your artistic expression you are never ever allowed to upset the alphabet [Applause] people you know who I mean those people that took 20% of the alphabet for themselves I’d say the letters but I don’t want to conjure their anger that’s too late now I’m talking about them L’s and them B’s and them G’s and the teas people be surprised I have friends all kinds of letters everybody loves me and I love everybody I got friends with L’s I got friends with B’s and I got friends with G’s but the te’s hate my [ __ ] guts and I don’t blame him it’s not their fault it’s mine I can’t stop telling jokes about these nigg I don’t want to write these jokes but I just can’t stop you know you hear all those letters together all the time lbgt lbgt and you think it’s just one big movement it’s not all those letters are their own movement they just travel in the same car together and my guess is what is this High School this [ __ ] probably got a babysit or something go and answer your phone [ __ ] just get that [ __ ] out of here I’m in the middle of something [Applause] important wouldn’t it be fun if we made fun of him he like and he went outside like hello Mama’s dead oh no Mama’s dead a [Applause] that’s a weird time phone call wasn’t it it’s like his phone is [Applause] gay like I was saying my guess is the G’s are driving that car that makes sense to me cuz there’s white men in the G’s and these people are trying to get around uh discrimination and oppression you know how white dudes are we know these roads in fact we built these roads the rest of you buckle up will get you to where you want to go so the G’s are just driving the car of course next to the G’s and the passenger seat is the L’s everybody likes the L’s except for the [Music] G’s I don’t know what that’s about I just know the G’s don’t like them that much the G’s always say like little subl digs on them it’s unnecessary [ __ ] it’s not mean but you know what I mean they just be like I wouldn’t wear that the only thing that breaks the tension between the L’s and G’s are the B’s in the back seat that’s right there you go everybody scream out when you hear your [Applause] letter if it’s one thing that the L’s and the G’s agree on is that the be’s are [ __ ] gross they seem greedy to the L’s and the G’s you know what I mean cuz it’s sitting in the backseat like yeah man I’ll [ __ ] anybody in this car what’s going on [Applause] man and sitting next to the bees all the way in the back seat by themselves looking out the window that’s the teas everybody in the car respects the teas but everyone also resents the te’s it’s not the te’s fault but everyone in the car just feels like the te’s are making the trip take longer anything the te’s say gets on everybody’s nerves and then the te’s don’t even say anything bad they should be in the back talk to himself I’m hot shut up shut the [ __ ] up okay just roll the window down you [ __ ] I don’t know what you what just said I was [Music] hot can you pull over the next exit I need to use the restroom there is not a restroom for you for four states niggaer you just shut the [ __ ] up so we can get where we’re going oh [Applause] my and just when that car can’t get any more tense the cues are hitchhiker that they pick up on the road some white dude in booty shorts just walking in the [Applause] freeway J see him that guy might be one of us hey are you okay you need some help and he come over there with them booty shorts leaning on the window hey what’s going on fellas lady whatever pronoun makes you feel comfortable in the back yeah I don’t really know where I’m going I don’t know if I’m gay or I’m straight or whatever all I know for sure is that um I really want to get in this car and they make him get into sitting between the bees and the [Music] te’s I feel bad for te’s but they’re so confusing and it’s not all my fault I feel like they need to take some responsibility for my jokes cuz I didn’t come up with this idea on my own this idea that a person can be born in the wrong body but they have to admit that’s a [ __ ] hilarious predicament it’s really [ __ ] funny if it happened to me you laugh wouldn’t you that wouldn’t be funny if it happened to me I think it would be what if what if it did what if I was what if I was Chinese but but born in this [ __ ] body that’s not funny and for the rest of my life I had to go around making that face hey everybody I’m tiny and everyone get mad stop making that face that’s offensive what this is how I feel [Applause] inside
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The University of Georgia is represented by the Georgia Bulldogs. The Bulldogs participate in the Southeastern Conference's (SEC) Eastern
Division of the NCAA.
They play their home games in the storied Sanford Stadium in Athens, Georgia. The first season in Georgia was in 1892. In 1942, 1980, and 2021, the Georgia Bulldogs won three
national championships.
The Georgia Bulldogs have additionally been crowned the National Champion in four additional
seasons by at least one polling organization (1920, 1927, 1946 and 1968).
The Georgia Bulldogs are tied for second place in conference history with their 15 conference
titles, including 13 SEC titles, and their 59 bowl appearances, which
ranks second all-time.
In addition, the program has produced five top picks in the National
Football League (NFL) draft, two Heisman Trophy winners, numerous winners
of various national honors, and many others.
Longhorns football represents the University of Texas in Austin often
known as Texas, UT or the Texas Longhorns. The Longhorns represent the Big 12 Conference in the NCAA Division.
They play in Austin, Texas, at the Darrell K. Royal-Texas Memorial
Stadium.
The Texas Longhorns are ranked third and seventh, respectively, in terms of all-time wins and
win-loss records, with over 900 victories and an overall win-loss
percentage of.705.
The legendary program also boasts four national titles, 32 conference
titles, 100 First Team All-Americans, and two Heisman Trophy winners.