Why 70s Kids Are The Strongest Generation

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did I forget anybody who’ I forget x x Yes actually I didn’t forget X it’s a little trick because I was born the first year of Gen X or the last year of Jen Jones depending on which chart you look at but everyone forgets Gen X even CBS News forgot Gen X last year they did this whole thing on all the generations they did silent generation Boomers and then they skipped over 65 million of us Jan bradies and then they went right down to the Millennials and the post-millennials but here’s all y’all need to know about gen xers we don’t care we don’t care in fact we kind of like it that you left us off your little list CBS News cuz we’re like the secret dive bar that only the locals know about we don’t advertise but we’re never going out of business now the Boomers and particularly the Jin joners and the Gen xers we share some things in common the first thing is we are strong people we didn’t need sunscreen we just laid out on giant sheets of aluminum foil with baby oil and iodine right Hawaiian Tropic Red Label we put our chairs Up on the Roof to get higher to the [Applause] sun we only turned over when the radio station told us to but care we grew up in the way way back seat of our mom’s station rear facing at the people behind us right just waving back there just nobody wore a seat belt not even in the front seat if your Mom’s arm wasn’t strong enough you deserve to go through the [Applause] windshield we didn’t have helicopter parents back then in fact we had the opposite of helicopter parents we had Home Depot parents where you think there should be someone working in the store that could help you but there’s no one around you’re on your own this is Home Depot do you need a skill saw well there’s only one left in the whole store and it’s way up there so grab yourself one of those rolling staircases my friend roll it over there crawl and don’t pull it over yourself and cut your arm off cuz nobody’s going to take take you to the hospital it’s going to be your fault that you got hurt here’s what you get suck it up blow on it walk it off rub some dirt on it bleed over the sink my mom’s favorite was don’t bleed on my shag carpet I had a guy sent me one the other day it was like let the dog lick it it’ll heal faster nobody cared if we were bored nobody cared what our grades were nobody cared that we were eating lunch out of a lunch boox filled with unrefrigerated dairy products and rust who had a rusty lunchbox yeah we’re all still here and the thermoses didn’t match because the first one the one that came with it got shattered it’s gone it’s gone nobody cared that we were being pummeled in the face by real Red Rubber Dodge balls the real red the the ones that smelled like rubber coming at you not the little foamy baby ones they have now the real it went twang when it hit you in the face and it left a cross-hatch print right on your forehead right there nobody cared no one cared at all nobody cared about the emotional trauma that we sustained because of SE monkeys who had sea monkeys I’m still not over sea monkeys I paid my $125 out of the back of that comic book I was supposed to get the whole sea monkey family the mama sea monkey and the daddy sea monkey and Junior sea monkey little baby sea monkey they lived in a castle and they were going to come live with me and I was supposed to be able to teach them tricks that’s not what we got we got three envelopes in the mail filled with disappointment deceit and dehydrated brine shrimp no one cared no one cared that that woman on Romper Room never said my [Applause] name never said my name in her stupid magic mirror even though all day I was trying to walk on the Romper Stompers just two upside down plastic cups on a string just pop your ankle right off they weren’t as dangerous though is metal roller skates so the metal roller skates they kind of clamp to your shoe like this right you you didn’t get hurt cuz you were going fast because you couldn’t go fast because of the friction of the metal on the sidewalk but about the third one in your shoe came right out of that thing but you fell because it was still attached to your ankle with a little belt so you tripped over it and fell and broke your bottom that was it nobody cares Experience Freedom

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